Dream Chaser

Hello my dear readers,

Sorry I haven’t blogged in such a long time. I haven’t been emotionally or physically well. But I’m somewhat back!? I will try to blog more consistently (perhaps at least a post a week?). 🙂

Today’s post is more like a rant.

I feel so sad, defeated, and hurt. I just really want to have a job that I am passionate about. I know money is important, but I don’t want to choose money over happiness.

Most people spend at least 1/3 of their lives working…doing something they hate. I don’t want to be like that. I want to feel like I’m doing something meaningful. But my parents are so unsupportive; especially my dad. It’s because this field is so unstable and risky. I never know when I’ll be paid –or if I’ll be paid. It really depends on whether I have clients and whether people trust me. But I don’t want that to stop me. I really want to pursue my dreams. I know most people will say it’s unrealistic and I should just accept reality and get a stable job, but it makes me so miserable. I don’t want to settle for something I don’t want.

I’d rather die struggling doing something I enjoy than live a stable life doing something I see absolutely no meaning in.

My dad has tried to pave the road for me ever since I was little. He just can’t accept the fact that I’m choosing such a difficult path. He thinks I’m a rebel. And perhaps I am. Although he “lets” me do what I’m doing, he makes awful comments each day. Ex.

“You will never succeed in life. You are so useless. You only know how to dream.”

“Don’t ever get married, you’ll only destroy lives.”

“You don’t possess a single quality I can admire.”

Sometimes, his comments are less mean and wittier.

“Oh, you can dream. Just don’t dream every day.”

“A hundred people might read your blog or listen to you, but you know how many will actually be your client? One. 1 out of 100. Ha. If you know 1000 people, maybe you’ll have 10 clients. Good luck to you!”

I know deep down my parents really love me and want to protect me, but I don’t want to follow their wishes. I know they just can’t bear to watch me suffer and struggle, but I have to do this. I will regret for the rest of my life if I give up and work at the library for life.

I can’t guarantee I’ll succeed, but I am going to try. I don’t want to give up. I know it is hard. It is already so hard for me. I am constantly surrounded by people who tell me to give up or do something else. Sometimes I doubt myself as well, but I don’t want to give up. I don’t. Can’t you see how much I want this? I just want some support.

Writing this is making me emotional. Sigh. Anyhow, I’m going to stop here. But I will post another blog post soon. I have a list of topics I want to blog about. Stay tuned!

P.S. Have you ever wanted something so badly that you refuse to give up despite the world being against you?

P.P.S. I also have an online business that my parents don’t support. Everything I want to pursue is apparently too unrealistic and useless. 😥

P.P.P.S. Some of you may feel like I have “disappeared”, I’ve just been very unwell. I am trying to get better ASAP so I can come out and see people again. I really do enjoy the companies of others. Sorry if I had made plans with you but haven’t followed up. I will see you guys as soon as I can.

Last but not least, I watched Michelle Phan’s graduation speech on youtube today, and it was so touching. I really liked what she said,

“A starving artist is not one who is hungry for food. But instead, he/she is someone who is hungry to create…not just to create art, but an opportunity for him/herself.”

I am a Dream Chaser, are you?