Man’s search for meaning

Man's search for meaning

This book was one of the toughest books I’ve ever read. It is about a psychiatrist’s horrific experience in Nazi death camps. When I envisioned what he had gone through, I literally felt sick to my stomach. I wondered what I would’ve done in his place.

Would I have had the will to live? How could I go on if I feel like the suffering will never end?

This post is not a book summary. I just want to share a few notable quotes that caught my attention and add my views on it.

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

You either learn to adapt or give up…there’s really no other option.

 

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

We all need that purpose or ‘why’ to keep going. Your ‘why’ may differ from mine. But without a reason, there’s no meaning. Without meaning, there’s no point. What gives your life meaning?

  Continue reading “Man’s search for meaning”

My dating experience on Hinge

Disclaimer: This is from my own personal experience and may or may not reflect the experiences of others. I started using Hinge from August 30th until around mid Oct of 2019.

PROFILE

You can sign up an account using only your phone number. Hinge allows you to choose/upload 6 photos of yourself. It took me a while to choose 6 haha. My friends next to me were so impatient.

  • I picked a selfie with my friend (but I covered her face in case it was confusing).
  • I had another full body image of myself so people would have an idea of my physical size (This was the most popular photo. I got the most hearts from this one).
  • There was a photo of me sitting with a bubble tea in my hand
  • I had another picture of myself as Baby Grace from the snapchat filter
  • There was also another photo of me and my brother in the museum of illusions. I was posing in awesome manner (upside down) while he was just standing straight and being boring
  • I also included another group photo of me and my friends failing in an escape room T_T (I WANNA ESCAPE YOOOOO)

I had to choose 3 prompts for Hinge. Prompts are used as conversation starters. The guy/girl may comment on your prompt. However, they cannot have a conversation with you unless you accept/allow them to.

Here were my prompts:

I’m the type of texter who
loves puns. I love English puns, Chinese puns. As long as they are punny, go for it. XD

Together we can…
compose a song together! I loveeee music!!!

The secret to getting to know me is
read my blog. liveandlearn88.com

I like my prompts because I think it makes me more unique and it reflects me well. I didn’t want to be the typical “I like to eat, travel, and sleep” LOL (no offense if that’s what you like).

If you are confused and needs some help using Hinge, visit https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/categories/360001659533-Getting-Started for more information

 

MY EXPERIENCE

I’m told that guys on Hinge get to swipe approximately 5 people a day if they are a regular user. (I’m not sure if it’s the same for females).

Personally, I didn’t actually click like on anyone’s profiles. I only commented on one profile because I wanted to know what a dank meme was.

I didn’t actually have to initiate anything with anyone because I was getting likes every few minutes on the first day I created my profile. At first, I was open to all. But I had to make it super difficult because there were too many people and some guys were so old, they could be my dad. For instance, one guy was 64… uh…

As a result, I made it much harder for people to discover me since I put a deal breaker on age, no one with kids already, no drugs, and etc.

Hinge made me a preferred member for a month because they wanted to encourage me to use the app more. When you’re a preferred member, you can see everyone that has liked/commented on your profile. Otherwise, you would have to accept or reject one at a time before you can view the next person’s profile.

As a preferred member, you also get preferred preferences and you can customize it even more to fit what you are looking for.

 

LUCK

The reason why I have to filter so hard is because there are just too many people. I cannot talk to everyone. Basically, I accepted those who read my blog LOL (I can tell based on their comments) and if they are into music.

There are definitely a lot of guys with potential, but I have limited time and energy. I can only focus on so many before I lose track of the names and get them all mixed up. I cannot talk to a hundred people. I know that a hundred likes doesn’t necessarily mean a hundred options. However, if I accepted and they messaged me, I didn’t want to ignore them. Hence, I just let them pile up.

So as you can tell, online dating has a lot to do with luck too.

  1. Both you and your match have to be using it during the same time span.
  2. The age range is also a huge factor. I had just turned 31 around two weeks after I created my profile. One of my matches told me his cut off was 30. So technically, if I had started using the app in the middle of Sept, I wouldn’t even have popped up in his feed and we wouldn’t have spoken.
  3. Aside from one other person, I only spoke with those who have messaged me within the first 2-3 days that I was using the app. So it’s almost like first come first serve (Sorry if that sounds bad).

  Continue reading “My dating experience on Hinge”

Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips

To my dear readers,

I haven’t blogged in SO LONG. Haha. (Sorry). Today, I would like to share some of the online dating mistakes I have made in the past and also two awesome tips. Hopefully, this post will help provide you with some insight.

 

  1. Too focused on the outcome

This is a big one. In the past, while I was online dating, my sole purpose was to find a potential relationship. I didn’t want to sleep around, or waste time. So, my mindset was, “Don’t talk to me unless you want something serious.”

However, whoever you’re talking to doesn’t even know you yet. You can’t expect or ask someone to show commitment before they even have an idea of what you’re like.

Suggestion: After speaking to them for a week or two, perhaps set up a date to meet up and see whether you enjoy their company. Don’t make it like an interview style and ask questions like, “When would you like to settle down?” “How many kids do you want?” and etc (Note: I didn’t do that but you get the idea. It may scare off a lot of people if you come off so intense at the beginning. Do not plan out or imagine your entire future with a stranger!)

 

  1. Suffered from Oneitis

In the past, I recalled getting very attached to someone I’ve met online. I think it was because I liked him so much that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I was so focused on him that I wanted him to respond to me every day (and quickly too). I didn’t realize I was giving him so much pressure until it was much too late.

I remember having lots of options but in my mind, I was like, “No! I just want him! I don’t need anyone else!” (I know, so pathetic -_-). But when you’re overly obsessed with a person, it makes you appear very clingy and desperate.

Suggestion: Pace yourself in the conversation. It’s not sustainable if you want someone to constantly respond to you. Quality over quantity. Also, don’t focus on just one guy/girl until you guys are exclusive. He/she is probably talking to many others as well.

 

  1. Being too demanding

In the past, I’ve been extremely vocal about what I want. But if a person is interested in you, you wouldn’t need to force him/her to do anything.

As my student/friend said, “Grace, don’t judge a man by what he says. Judge a man by what he does.”

It’s sooooo true! Let his actions to speak for himself.

If a person wants to see you, they’ll make time. If a person values you, they’ll show you. Allow them to come to you.

Suggestion: Don’t make anyone do anything. Just let it be and wait and see.

Now that I’ve told you about the 3 mistakes I’ve made, here are 2 awesome tips: Continue reading “Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips”

30,000 days

To my dear readers,

It has been a long time since my last blog post. Sorry! I am so busy nowadays. T_T. I need a lot of inspiration in order to write. Anyhow, I would like to share a real story with you. Hopefully, it will touch you in some ways.


 

A few weeks ago, I found out A tried to commit suicide because he was suffering too much. A was in constant physical pain and couldn’t take it anymore.

I found out because A went missing on a mutual server we shared. Everyone was worried about him and wanted me to find out whether he was ok or not. (I had met A in real life once so I had his number).

When I called, A picked up and sounded really emotional. I was bewildered and wanted to know what happened. However, he didn’t go into details. All he said was that he was in the hospital and that it may take him 2 months before he’d be back.

Since it was obvious A didn’t want to talk, we hung up and I told the boys that he was at the hospital. All of us were really worried because we didn’t know why A had to stay there for so long. Usually, Canadian hospitals would try to kick you out as quickly as possible.

Was he terminally ill? Did he get into a huge accident? There were so many unanswered questions going through our minds. Continue reading “30,000 days”

Dear Grace posts

To my dear readers,

Last year, on volarenovels.com, I started my own “Dear Grace” section where readers can email or ask me about a particular issue over discord. Here are the links to my 8 “Dear Grace” posts!

NOTE: The site has moved so all old links are dead. The links below have been modified.

  1. Dear Grace, there is this girl that I’m interested in…but she doesn’t live in my country. How do I know whether we are compatible with each other? I’m willing to travel to her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/compatible

Cheesy macaroni

2. Dear Grace, I feel like women only want my money. I want to find a woman who loves me for who I am, and not for the size of my wallet. Why are women always after my money? It’s not like I have a requirement that she must earn a certain amount before I would date her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/women-after-my-money

No money no honey

 

3. Dear Grace, why do I always get ghosted by guys? It really bothers me. Initially, they show so much interest in me. But again and again, I’m only left with disappointment.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/ghosted

Ghost

 

4. Dear Grace, I’ve been with my ex for three years. She broke up with me because she said she no longer feels the same. I can’t let go. I want to get her back. What can I do to make her change her mind?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-my-ex-back

Insane heart

 

5. Dear Grace, what should I do if I fell for someone who is not right for me?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/fell-for-the-wrong-person

love traffic lights

 

6. Dear Grace, my online friend will have to go through an arranged marriage after she graduates from University. I am concerned for her happiness. What should I do?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/arranged-marriage

arranged marriage

 

7. Dear Grace, how can I get over someone and accept that we have no future together?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/no-future-together

Let go

 

8. Dear Grace, how can I get out of the friend zone? 

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-out-of-the-friend-zone

friendzone gg

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed reading my responses! If you want to ask me something, feel free to email me at gchan7127@gmail.com.

Who says you can’t? You do

Who says you can'tIt has been so long since I last blogged! Today, I’m back again with another inspirational post. This time, I’m going to be posting quotes from the book “Who says you can’t? You do” by Daniel Chidiac.

All the quotes I’m about to mention are from the novel itself. I reflect on everything Daniel says and it really pushes me to be more. It is incredibly empowering and motivational. I hope his words will also have a similar effect on you.

If you take a good look around, you will notice that most people would have perceived every creation as impossible before it was created.

Everything seems impossible at first. If 30 years ago, someone told you that in the future they would be able to use their phones to take pictures and face-time with someone across the world, would you have believed it?

I hear people say to me, “I know how life works; you wake up, go to work, and come home. It’s the same thing every day.” My reply is, “No, that’s how your life works.”

This is so powerful. How does this statement make you feel?

It is only achievement and fulfilment together that brands someone truly successful.

I completely agree. What is your definition of success?

Most people know what they want; they just believe it’s out of their reach. We let so many dreams, visions and ideals slip because we think others might find them stupid, that it will be too hard, or we give up due to the hurdles we come across. 

Sometimes, it seems like it’s impossible. As a result, we don’t even bother to try in order to avoid the likelihood of disappointment.

Everyone on the road of achievement has experienced self-doubt. Those who win, though, always overpower that doubt with self-assurance. You’re not the only one that has or will experience hardship on your road.

You’re not the only one who is experiencing hardship. But if it’s something you want, you must persevere.  Continue reading “Who says you can’t? You do”

Depression

Depression

Years ago, I had considered writing a post on depression. But in the end, I never did it because it was such a dark topic.

But today, I felt the need to do so due to Kim Jonghyun’s suicide on Dec 18th. For those who are unaware, he was a member of a popular K-pop group called SHINee.

In my opinion, all of us are a bit broken on the inside. None of us are totally ok. Most of us just try to hide or ignore the negative emotions inside of us. Perhaps, we try distracting ourselves or avoid thinking about it.

There is so much stigma about mental illness, and our society is not very forgiving. However, I strongly believe the Asian culture is even worse. The amount of societal pressure and open criticism people experience is unbelievable.

If you try to tell others how you feel, most people will put the blame on you:

“Why are you depressed? Your life is already so much better than so many other people. Think about those who live in a 3rd world country and have no food and water!”    

“Your life is so good. You’re just ungrateful and spoiled.” Continue reading “Depression”