Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips

To my dear readers,

I haven’t blogged in SO LONG. Haha. (Sorry). Today, I would like to share some of the online dating mistakes I have made in the past and also two awesome tips. Hopefully, this post will help provide you with some insight.

 

  1. Too focused on the outcome

This is a big one. In the past, while I was online dating, my sole purpose was to find a potential relationship. I didn’t want to sleep around, or waste time. So, my mindset was, “Don’t talk to me unless you want something serious.”

However, whoever you’re talking to doesn’t even know you yet. You can’t expect or ask someone to show commitment before they even have an idea of what you’re like.

Suggestion: After speaking to them for a week or two, perhaps set up a date to meet up and see whether you enjoy their company. Don’t make it like an interview style and ask questions like, “When would you like to settle down?” “How many kids do you want?” and etc (Note: I didn’t do that but you get the idea. It may scare off a lot of people if you come off so intense at the beginning. Do not plan out or imagine your entire future with a stranger!)

 

  1. Suffered from Oneitis

In the past, I recalled getting very attached to someone I’ve met online. I think it was because I liked him so much that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I was so focused on him that I wanted him to respond to me every day (and quickly too). I didn’t realize I was giving him so much pressure until it was much too late.

I remember having lots of options but in my mind, I was like, “No! I just want him! I don’t need anyone else!” (I know, so pathetic -_-). But when you’re overly obsessed with a person, it makes you appear very clingy and desperate.

Suggestion: Pace yourself in the conversation. It’s not sustainable if you want someone to constantly respond to you. Quality over quantity. Also, don’t focus on just one guy/girl until you guys are exclusive. He/she is probably talking to many others as well.

 

  1. Being too demanding

In the past, I’ve been extremely vocal about what I want. But if a person is interested in you, you wouldn’t need to force him/her to do anything.

As my student/friend said, “Grace, don’t judge a man by what he says. Judge a man by what he does.”

It’s sooooo true! Let his actions to speak for himself.

If a person wants to see you, they’ll make time. If a person values you, they’ll show you. Allow them to come to you.

Suggestion: Don’t make anyone do anything. Just let it be and wait and see.

Now that I’ve told you about the 3 mistakes I’ve made, here are 2 awesome tips: Continue reading “Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips”

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30,000 days

To my dear readers,

It has been a long time since my last blog post. Sorry! I am so busy nowadays. T_T. I need a lot of inspiration in order to write. Anyhow, I would like to share a real story with you. Hopefully, it will touch you in some ways.


 

A few weeks ago, I found out A tried to commit suicide because he was suffering too much. A was in constant physical pain and couldn’t take it anymore.

I found out because A went missing on a mutual server we shared. Everyone was worried about him and wanted me to find out whether he was ok or not. (I had met A in real life once so I had his number).

When I called, A picked up and sounded really emotional. I was bewildered and wanted to know what happened. However, he didn’t go into details. All he said was that he was in the hospital and that it may take him 2 months before he’d be back.

Since it was obvious A didn’t want to talk, we hung up and I told the boys that he was at the hospital. All of us were really worried because we didn’t know why A had to stay there for so long. Usually, Canadian hospitals would try to kick you out as quickly as possible.

Was he terminally ill? Did he get into a huge accident? There were so many unanswered questions going through our minds. Continue reading “30,000 days”

Dear Grace posts

To my dear readers,

Last year, on volarenovels.com, I started my own “Dear Grace” section where readers can email or ask me about a particular issue over discord. Here are the links to my 8 “Dear Grace” posts!

NOTE: The site has moved so all old links are dead. The links below have been modified.

  1. Dear Grace, there is this girl that I’m interested in…but she doesn’t live in my country. How do I know whether we are compatible with each other? I’m willing to travel to her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/compatible

Cheesy macaroni

2. Dear Grace, I feel like women only want my money. I want to find a woman who loves me for who I am, and not for the size of my wallet. Why are women always after my money? It’s not like I have a requirement that she must earn a certain amount before I would date her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/women-after-my-money

No money no honey

 

3. Dear Grace, why do I always get ghosted by guys? It really bothers me. Initially, they show so much interest in me. But again and again, I’m only left with disappointment.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/ghosted

Ghost

 

4. Dear Grace, I’ve been with my ex for three years. She broke up with me because she said she no longer feels the same. I can’t let go. I want to get her back. What can I do to make her change her mind?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-my-ex-back

Insane heart

 

5. Dear Grace, what should I do if I fell for someone who is not right for me?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/fell-for-the-wrong-person

love traffic lights

 

6. Dear Grace, my online friend will have to go through an arranged marriage after she graduates from University. I am concerned for her happiness. What should I do?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/arranged-marriage

arranged marriage

 

7. Dear Grace, how can I get over someone and accept that we have no future together?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/no-future-together

Let go

 

8. Dear Grace, how can I get out of the friend zone? 

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-out-of-the-friend-zone

friendzone gg

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed reading my responses! If you want to ask me something, feel free to email me at gchan7127@gmail.com.

Who says you can’t? You do

Who says you can'tIt has been so long since I last blogged! Today, I’m back again with another inspirational post. This time, I’m going to be posting quotes from the book “Who says you can’t? You do” by Daniel Chidiac.

All the quotes I’m about to mention are from the novel itself. I reflect on everything Daniel says and it really pushes me to be more. It is incredibly empowering and motivational. I hope his words will also have a similar effect on you.

If you take a good look around, you will notice that most people would have perceived every creation as impossible before it was created.

Everything seems impossible at first. If 30 years ago, someone told you that in the future they would be able to use their phones to take pictures and face-time with someone across the world, would you have believed it?

I hear people say to me, “I know how life works; you wake up, go to work, and come home. It’s the same thing every day.” My reply is, “No, that’s how your life works.”

This is so powerful. How does this statement make you feel?

It is only achievement and fulfilment together that brands someone truly successful.

I completely agree. What is your definition of success?

Most people know what they want; they just believe it’s out of their reach. We let so many dreams, visions and ideals slip because we think others might find them stupid, that it will be too hard, or we give up due to the hurdles we come across. 

Sometimes, it seems like it’s impossible. As a result, we don’t even bother to try in order to avoid the likelihood of disappointment.

Everyone on the road of achievement has experienced self-doubt. Those who win, though, always overpower that doubt with self-assurance. You’re not the only one that has or will experience hardship on your road.

You’re not the only one who is experiencing hardship. But if it’s something you want, you must persevere.  Continue reading “Who says you can’t? You do”

Depression

Depression

Years ago, I had considered writing a post on depression. But in the end, I never did it because it was such a dark topic.

But today, I felt the need to do so due to Kim Jonghyun’s suicide on Dec 18th. For those who are unaware, he was a member of a popular K-pop group called SHINee.

In my opinion, all of us are a bit broken on the inside. None of us are totally ok. Most of us just try to hide or ignore the negative emotions inside of us. Perhaps, we try distracting ourselves or avoid thinking about it.

There is so much stigma about mental illness, and our society is not very forgiving. However, I strongly believe the Asian culture is even worse. The amount of societal pressure and open criticism people experience is unbelievable.

If you try to tell others how you feel, most people will put the blame on you:

“Why are you depressed? Your life is already so much better than so many other people. Think about those who live in a 3rd world country and have no food and water!”    

“Your life is so good. You’re just ungrateful and spoiled.” Continue reading “Depression”

Twitter inspiration

growth

I haven’t written an inspirational post for quite some time. I know I used to blog weekly, but I honestly do not have enough content to sustain it. As a result, most likely, I’ll only be blogging once a month or so.

I was going through my twitter the other day, and I ended up scrolling through all of my old tweets.

I’ve always been a huge fan of personal development and inspirational content. So today, I would like to share six quotes that I have tweeted in the past. These quotes resonate a lot with me, and I hope they will also have some positive impact on you.

Note: The way I interpret the quotes may differ from you.

—–

  1. Days are expensive. When you spend a day, you have one less day to spend. So make sure you spend each one wisely. – Jim Rohn

This is one of the quotes that personally affected me the most. All of us know we’re going to die, but I don’t think we truly realize that our time is running out. We shouldn’t postpone the things we want to do until a much later date. We should make it a priority to do something each day to get ourselves closer to our goals.

  1. It’s not about having the perfect relationship. It’s about finding someone who matches you and will go through everything without giving up.

I’ve realized that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. All relationships have issues and flaws. In the end, it really comes down to how much two people want to be together. Both parties must be willing to keep trying in order to have a lasting relationship. Continue reading “Twitter inspiration”

My experience on Coffee Meets Bagel

To my dear readers,

Long time no blog!! Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you guys. 😛

Today I would like to share my experience on Coffee Meets Bagel. For those who don’t know, CMB is a free online dating app where you can meet other people from your city. I like this app because guys cannot message you unless it is a mutual like (meaning, they “liked” you and you “liked” them back).

In case you’re confused, here’s a picture I found on google:

Coffee meets bagel app

Anyhow, I’m not going to teach you how to use this application. If you are interested, I’m sure there are many tutorials online!

I’ve been using this app for approximately two weeks or so, and here are some things I have noticed:

Guys are tired of trying

I scrolled through some profiles and I could tell that some guys were tired of making so much effort. Under the column for “I appreciate when my date…..”, some wrote, “shows up”, “offers to split the bill.”, “takes initiative.”

At first, I thought it was just one or two bitter guys. But after using the app for two weeks, I realized I come across these types of profiles on a daily basis!!

So it appears that a lot of the guys had terrible experiences and had been stood up by dates in the past.

This is rather unfortunate because after so much disappointment, they don’t even want to try anymore. Continue reading “My experience on Coffee Meets Bagel”