Don’t assume

To my dear readers,

I’m back! Sorry for not posting last week. I was very unwell. Fortunately, I feel better now. 🙂   Anyhow, today’s post is based on one of my real life interactions with a friend.

A few weeks ago, I finally caught up with my friend Nathan (fake name) after four years of not seeing him. Back in the days, we used to go to events and parties together. But due to my autoimmune disorder, I had been too ill in the past few years to attend any of his parties.

Nonetheless, we still stayed in touch via facebook and would update each other from time to time.

When we met up, Nathan was telling me how he had been going through depression and wanted to kill himself. Here was part of our conversation:

Nathan: Grace, you know, last year was so hard for me. I wanted to kill myself because I felt like my life was not worth living. My job contract ended and I didn’t get extended. I turned 30 and I am still living at home. Everyone on facebook seems to be doing better than me. I thought by now I would have a place of my own. I thought by now, I would have my own family. 

Me: Oh my goodness, Nathan! Stop comparing yourself to what people post on social media! You know, people only show you the good stuff. Their life may suck but they’re going to show you the 2% of the time when they’re having a blast. Plus, you have accomplished so much and you’re constantly trying to improve yourself!! Stop thinking about how behind you are, but think about how far you’ve come!!!

Nathan: Grace, you know, I have a learning disability. Not only that, I’m a visible minority and I’m gay. It’s already hard enough to have one of the following. I have three. I feel like such a disappointment to my family. It doesn’t help that I’m an only child. Oh, and someone told me the reason why I wasn’t getting a promotion was because I wasn’t white. It didn’t bother me too much, but I do think it was a factor.

Me: But despite everything, you still managed to persevere and have 3 degrees?! MBA, a Science degree and a teaching degree!?! How many languages do you speak? 3? 4? Plus, your family has accepted you for who you are now. Please, be proud of your accomplishments!! By the way, out of curiosity, what stopped you from killing yourself?

Nathan: I was afraid I wouldn’t die properly and end up being hospitalized for life or something. I’m scared of pain. And when I expressed my depression on a status, I received so many calls and msgs from friends and family. I realized I am very loved and it was stupid. There are still days when I’m really down, but I try my best to stay positive.

Anyhow, the entire conversation was too long. But I wanted to share because I feel like a lot of people I know can personally relate. Today, our news feeds are constantly filled with people being in relationships, getting engaged, getting married, starting families, getting their own places, and so on. It’s almost impossible to not to compare when it seems like everyone else is doing so well. But remember, that’s only what they choose to show or tell you.

me-selfie
This is a picture of me. Does it look like I’m suffering? I look totally fine. But in reality, I suffer everyday. Some days, I’m in constant pain. Can you tell? Clearly not. If I didn’t include this caption or tell you, you wouldn’t know and may assume, “Oh, Grace has such a good life.” Haha. 

 

In conclusion, I just want to caution you all to be mindful and not assume. Everyone has problems you can’t see from the surface.

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Always be kind.

Author: gchan7127

I just want to share all my knowledge, ideas, and experiences with the world. It makes me happy to know that I can inspire others.

23 thoughts on “Don’t assume”

  3. Good message, Grace! Always a pleasant reminder for us. 🙂 And thanks for sharing. I hope your friend is encouraged by your post too! “You are more loved than you will ever know.”

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  5. Thanks for sharing, Grace 🙂 As for your friend, I guess i can relate how difficult it is.. but while it might feel like a low point now, that only means things can only move up from there 🙂 (and I do hope it gets better for him soon! and his parents accept! (better than what i can say for now ^^)).

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Shau Xiong! Aww! You’re still here despite Your Highness being finished! My translations are also hosted on volare. They didn’t steal my work. If it’s a different site, then they stole it. Lol

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      1. Awe… lol I didn’t realized I posted with my full name. Usually I am sxiong but I’m a dedicated follower. The site that has your translations is volare.😄😅

      2. Awww!! Thank you, Sxiong!! ❤️❤️ I still blog on this site. Hehe. If you feel like it, go through my old blog posts!! I have written at least 100! I hope to inspire, motivate, or help my readers!

        I am hosting on volare in hopes that it will attract more readers. But my translations from this blog will always be here! Thank you for all your support! 💓

  8. Thanks for sharing such topic. Depression is a serious mental illness that can lead to different things like anxiety, suicidal and etc… I didn’t experience myself but the person I love experienced that a few years ago.

    The behavior changed, the random mood swings one minute there’s a violent anger outburst & the next there’s emotionally crying endlessly, the suicide attempts… It was to the point my loved one was hospitalized for weeks and until the person was stable.

    It’s been 4 years since the suicide attempts and hospitalization…. Now it’s in control. I support depression and suicide awareness. No one talks about it much… especially depending on culture. Some might think it’s being “weak” and not being open to mental illness… I’m just glad society is being more acceptable about it and there’s help. Medication, counseling, support group and etc…

    It’s almost like breaking an arm or a leg… it needs medication to ease the pain and time to heal the injury. Same thing with mental illness, it needs proper healing with the right medication & support… and it will slowly recover!

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and write me such a thoughtful comment!! I’m glad your loved one’s depression is now in control. I agree!! I feel like society doesn’t like talking about it because it seems “weak”. Hopefully, people who need help will get the help that they need. I believe recovering is hard but definitely possible!

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  9. hi grace!! i just want u to tell nathan that alot of people love him and would b really really sad if he left this world! this convo really hit close to home for me n i really really want him to b positive and keep pushing forward. n yes, people only show the “amazing” side of their life on social media. who care about it. just focus on you and your family n friends. dont let others impact on how u live! hope u feel better grace and tell nathan i said hi! wish him and you the best of luck!!!

    ps. to the message above. yes depression awareness is important. please be supportive and understanding!

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, ooooi! I will let him know. ❤️ I also hope you will live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life as well.

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  10. Everyone has a full life, good plus bad. That’s what makes it beautiful. I so happy that he decided to share his problems, for which he got a positive response. A friend in the morning told me, he learnt tai chi, a powerful martial arts without any violence. And his master said, its to fight one’a own self. As we sometimes are our own worst enemy. And most of the times hats the only enemy worth winning over.

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