For the week, I would like to talk about shaming.
Shaming happens everywhere. Shaming is when you make a person feel ashamed, humiliated, or inadequate. It is terrible, but in China (or perhaps in all of Asia), they take it to another level.
What do I mean? Well, in school, students are ranked according to their grades. The teacher will actually read out each person’s name and their “rank” to the whole class. For example, #36 (name of the child).
If you are one of the top students, you will be praised. However, if you are one of the poorer students, your classmates will look down on you and may possibly make fun or avoid you (in case you make them stupid).
It’s messed up.
I still remember how one of my classmates had forgotten his agenda in Grade 1. The teacher punished him by making him stand outside the classroom for an hour.
Basically, the “shame” is supposed to make the child never forget his agenda again.
In my opinion, it does work. However, instead of fostering love and kindness, the child is taught to resent and hate.
For most Asian families, the concept of shame still play a very strong role.
If you do not achieve a certain level of education, you’re bringing shame to the family.
If you do not make a certain amount of money, you’re bringing shame to the family.
If you get pregnant before getting married, you’re bringing shame to the family.
If you disobey your parents, you’re bringing shame to the family.
And so on.
Therefore, despite living overseas, most first generation Asian immigrants still undergo a lot of pressure to conform.
Personally, I find it very unfair and damaging. The child is only treated well if he/she meets the expectations of society. If expectations are not met, then the families will treat you poorly (This is not always the case, but it does happen a lot).
Recently, I started tutoring an International student and she told me that many students from China commit suicide if they do poorly on an exam called the gaokao. The gaokao pretty much determines whether you will be accepted to University or not. If they fail to get in, some students see it as “My life is over.”
Again, it goes back to shaming. Asians are so good at making their people feel like shit.
I’m just so tired of it.
But I can’t do anything about it. That’s just how my culture is. *sigh*. I hope one day, this will no longer be the case.
P.S. I didn’t talk about it. But fat shaming is terrible in Asia as well. If you’re “fat”, people usually look at you with disgust. Basically, they will shame you in every way possible.
Did you know that in Japan, they have a metabo law? Men and women over the age of 40 have to meet certain waist size requirements or their companies they work for can be fined. You can read about it here.
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