Modern Romance: Too many choices


Today, my post is going to be based off the book, “Modern Romance”. It is a research-based book that is written by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg. It is extremely interesting and insightful, so I highly recommend!!

Due to the advancement in our technology, it has evolved how we date. Today, we can access hundreds of singles with only a few clicks or swipes. It is honestly too easy. In our parents’ generation, if a guy wanted to ask a girl out, he would either have to call through the landline or do it in person. If we go back to before the invention of the telephone, people had no choice but to do everything in person.

Now, we don’t even need to put in effort anymore. Within minutes, people could message or spam hundreds of potentials. There are so many choices and dating sites/apps allow us to customize and filter what we want. 

Only Asians? Ok. Only women between 18-25? Ok. You get the point.

My friend downloaded a dating app and within a day, she received over 640 messages from men. Can you believe it? If the guys had to call her and start a conversation, how many do you think would actually go through with it?

In addition, my generation is so drawn to our phones that asking people out and/or breaking up with people over text is actually no longer surprising. In fact, research shows that most of the younger generation is ok with it.

So, we have lowered the amount of efforts required for both men and women. Furthermore, we expect more and want more than the previous generations. In the past, people got married because they needed to produce children in order to sustain their farmland. They needed children to do the labour. It was for survival and duty.

But today, we’re not satisfied with just anyone. Our standards have gone up. We want someone who makes us feel complete. We want someone who shares similar interests as us. We want someone who we can’t live without.

Not only that, dating is more complicated because there are unwritten rules that we all follow now. For instance:

Modern romance #3.jpg

But some may say, but Grace, isn’t it better we have choices now? We are no longer forced to marry our neighbours! That is a good thing. 

In my opinion, it’s good to have choice but having too many choices is bad! When you have too many options, you end up questioning yourself. You’re afraid of making the wrong choice. Or perhaps, there may be better choices out there. It becomes so much harder to be satisfied because you become pickier and pickier. 


It’s almost like getting on an empty streetcar and choosing a seat. You want the one close to the window. Oh, and also the one with a lot of leg room. Being near the exit is good too. Or maybe you want a seat that can give you some sunlight but not too much.

Does a perfect seat exist? Maybe I can find one that can satisfy all my needs!

Clearly, we do less now but expect so much more than ever before.

Lastly, I thought this was very interesting. Apparently, we are attracted to uncertainty. We actually find it more attractive when we don’t exactly know what the guy/girl wants.


In conclusion, modern romance is very different from what it used to be. The issues we have today didn’t exist in the past. The internet has made it so much easier but also so much harder for us to date. Sadly, I cannot go through everything because there is way too much information. If you find this interesting, you should just get the book and read it yourself!

Thank you to Jerry who lent me the book.






Author: gchan7127

I just want to share all my knowledge, ideas, and experiences with the world. It makes me happy to know that I can inspire others.

10 thoughts on “Modern Romance: Too many choices”

  1. Great post, Grace. And I truly mean that with this one because I liked the substance and ideas present in this post. I think timing has a lot to do with meeting the right one as well but yes, people do tend to get pickier since they have more choices in our current world. More choices mean more freedom to do more, and when you do find the right person out of the millions, you feel even more happy and excited because you were able to find the right one out of the millions lol. Does that make sense? It might not be easy to find love now but back then, people might have felt really miserable too because they didn’t love the person they married and had kids with. Some people might have been forced to marry. Nowadays, you can choose who you marry and also IF you want to marry or not. The pressure isn’t as strict as in the past.

    1. Thank you for your long and thoughtful comment, Karen! I totally agree with you. In the past, most people were probably really miserable. Now, we can choose!!

      It is definitely very satisfying when you’re able to find someone who you mutually love out of millions of people. ❀️

  2. With that said, if you’re happy and secure in your relationship and continue to work on it, there’s no reason that you should want to look for more. As long as you communicate with your partner, you can work on improving your relationship so that you won’t need to look for something on the greener side of the grass lol. It’s nice to be able to build a foundation with someone and then go through the highs and lows and have that history together. It’s not so black and white, I feel, when you talk about wanting more and more in a partner after you’ve been committed.

      1. Lol I do.. But so much to type out. Haha. I do agree with you that timing is huge. In the past, I had so many opportunities to get together with so many great guys but I wasn’t ready or I was too stupid to react. I feel like if they had came into my life during another period, the results could have been totally different.

        But it’s ok. Haha. Now, I am more aware and know what I want. 😊 And I do agree with everything you mentioned so I don’t have much to say.

      2. Haha, thanks for your more thorough response, Grace! When you mentioned last night that you were too tired to reply after reading my comments, I expected a more substantial reply, so when you just told me today “I have nothing to say”, I was like UH…. lol. So that’s why. Thanks for expanding on your thoughts! I like it when you type out more of what you say! πŸ˜›

  3. This makes dating sound so hard! And so many rules about texting! XD
    I didn’t realise analysis paralysis had snuck its way in here as well! I guess that it is just to easy to get information about everything.
    (Making my way through all your posts… or the ones you link in chapter announcements at least)

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