My dating experience on Hinge

Disclaimer: This is from my own personal experience and may or may not reflect the experiences of others. I started using Hinge from August 30th until around mid Oct of 2019.

PROFILE

You can sign up an account using only your phone number. Hinge allows you to choose/upload 6 photos of yourself. It took me a while to choose 6 haha. My friends next to me were so impatient.

  • I picked a selfie with my friend (but I covered her face in case it was confusing).
  • I had another full body image of myself so people would have an idea of my physical size (This was the most popular photo. I got the most hearts from this one).
  • There was a photo of me sitting with a bubble tea in my hand
  • I had another picture of myself as Baby Grace from the snapchat filter
  • There was also another photo of me and my brother in the museum of illusions. I was posing in awesome manner (upside down) while he was just standing straight and being boring
  • I also included another group photo of me and my friends failing in an escape room T_T (I WANNA ESCAPE YOOOOO)

I had to choose 3 prompts for Hinge. Prompts are used as conversation starters. The guy/girl may comment on your prompt. However, they cannot have a conversation with you unless you accept/allow them to.

Here were my prompts:

I’m the type of texter who
loves puns. I love English puns, Chinese puns. As long as they are punny, go for it. XD

Together we can…
compose a song together! I loveeee music!!!

The secret to getting to know me is
read my blog. liveandlearn88.com

I like my prompts because I think it makes me more unique and it reflects me well. I didn’t want to be the typical “I like to eat, travel, and sleep” LOL (no offense if that’s what you like).

If you are confused and needs some help using Hinge, visit https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/categories/360001659533-Getting-Started for more information

 

MY EXPERIENCE

I’m told that guys on Hinge get to swipe approximately 5 people a day if they are a regular user. (I’m not sure if it’s the same for females).

Personally, I didn’t actually click like on anyone’s profiles. I only commented on one profile because I wanted to know what a dank meme was.

I didn’t actually have to initiate anything with anyone because I was getting likes every few minutes on the first day I created my profile. At first, I was open to all. But I had to make it super difficult because there were too many people and some guys were so old, they could be my dad. For instance, one guy was 64… uh…

As a result, I made it much harder for people to discover me since I put a deal breaker on age, no one with kids already, no drugs, and etc.

Hinge made me a preferred member for a month because they wanted to encourage me to use the app more. When you’re a preferred member, you can see everyone that has liked/commented on your profile. Otherwise, you would have to accept or reject one at a time before you can view the next person’s profile.

As a preferred member, you also get preferred preferences and you can customize it even more to fit what you are looking for.

 

LUCK

The reason why I have to filter so hard is because there are just too many people. I cannot talk to everyone. Basically, I accepted those who read my blog LOL (I can tell based on their comments) and if they are into music.

There are definitely a lot of guys with potential, but I have limited time and energy. I can only focus on so many before I lose track of the names and get them all mixed up. I cannot talk to a hundred people. I know that a hundred likes doesn’t necessarily mean a hundred options. However, if I accepted and they messaged me, I didn’t want to ignore them. Hence, I just let them pile up.

So as you can tell, online dating has a lot to do with luck too.

  1. Both you and your match have to be using it during the same time span.
  2. The age range is also a huge factor. I had just turned 31 around two weeks after I created my profile. One of my matches told me his cut off was 30. So technically, if I had started using the app in the middle of Sept, I wouldn’t even have popped up in his feed and we wouldn’t have spoken.
  3. Aside from one other person, I only spoke with those who have messaged me within the first 2-3 days that I was using the app. So it’s almost like first come first serve (Sorry if that sounds bad).

  Continue reading “My dating experience on Hinge”

Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips

To my dear readers,

I haven’t blogged in SO LONG. Haha. (Sorry). Today, I would like to share some of the online dating mistakes I have made in the past and also two awesome tips. Hopefully, this post will help provide you with some insight.

 

  1. Too focused on the outcome

This is a big one. In the past, while I was online dating, my sole purpose was to find a potential relationship. I didn’t want to sleep around, or waste time. So, my mindset was, “Don’t talk to me unless you want something serious.”

However, whoever you’re talking to doesn’t even know you yet. You can’t expect or ask someone to show commitment before they even have an idea of what you’re like.

Suggestion: After speaking to them for a week or two, perhaps set up a date to meet up and see whether you enjoy their company. Don’t make it like an interview style and ask questions like, “When would you like to settle down?” “How many kids do you want?” and etc (Note: I didn’t do that but you get the idea. It may scare off a lot of people if you come off so intense at the beginning. Do not plan out or imagine your entire future with a stranger!)

 

  1. Suffered from Oneitis

In the past, I recalled getting very attached to someone I’ve met online. I think it was because I liked him so much that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I was so focused on him that I wanted him to respond to me every day (and quickly too). I didn’t realize I was giving him so much pressure until it was much too late.

I remember having lots of options but in my mind, I was like, “No! I just want him! I don’t need anyone else!” (I know, so pathetic -_-). But when you’re overly obsessed with a person, it makes you appear very clingy and desperate.

Suggestion: Pace yourself in the conversation. It’s not sustainable if you want someone to constantly respond to you. Quality over quantity. Also, don’t focus on just one guy/girl until you guys are exclusive. He/she is probably talking to many others as well.

 

  1. Being too demanding

In the past, I’ve been extremely vocal about what I want. But if a person is interested in you, you wouldn’t need to force him/her to do anything.

As my student/friend said, “Grace, don’t judge a man by what he says. Judge a man by what he does.”

It’s sooooo true! Let his actions to speak for himself.

If a person wants to see you, they’ll make time. If a person values you, they’ll show you. Allow them to come to you.

Suggestion: Don’t make anyone do anything. Just let it be and wait and see.

Now that I’ve told you about the 3 mistakes I’ve made, here are 2 awesome tips: Continue reading “Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips”

Dear Grace posts

To my dear readers,

Last year, on volarenovels.com, I started my own “Dear Grace” section where readers can email or ask me about a particular issue over discord. Here are the links to my 8 “Dear Grace” posts!

NOTE: The site has moved so all old links are dead. The links below have been modified.

  1. Dear Grace, there is this girl that I’m interested in…but she doesn’t live in my country. How do I know whether we are compatible with each other? I’m willing to travel to her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/compatible

Cheesy macaroni

2. Dear Grace, I feel like women only want my money. I want to find a woman who loves me for who I am, and not for the size of my wallet. Why are women always after my money? It’s not like I have a requirement that she must earn a certain amount before I would date her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/women-after-my-money

No money no honey

 

3. Dear Grace, why do I always get ghosted by guys? It really bothers me. Initially, they show so much interest in me. But again and again, I’m only left with disappointment.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/ghosted

Ghost

 

4. Dear Grace, I’ve been with my ex for three years. She broke up with me because she said she no longer feels the same. I can’t let go. I want to get her back. What can I do to make her change her mind?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-my-ex-back

Insane heart

 

5. Dear Grace, what should I do if I fell for someone who is not right for me?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/fell-for-the-wrong-person

love traffic lights

 

6. Dear Grace, my online friend will have to go through an arranged marriage after she graduates from University. I am concerned for her happiness. What should I do?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/arranged-marriage

arranged marriage

 

7. Dear Grace, how can I get over someone and accept that we have no future together?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/no-future-together

Let go

 

8. Dear Grace, how can I get out of the friend zone? 

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-out-of-the-friend-zone

friendzone gg

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed reading my responses! If you want to ask me something, feel free to email me at gchan7127@gmail.com.

10 reasons why she doesn’t text back

no text back

Have you ever messaged a woman and wondered why she doesn’t message you back?

In the past, I had always thought it was common courtesy to respond to anyone who had messaged me. However, after using my first dating app (Unveil), I’ve came to an understanding as to why some women do not return messages.

(Note: The app uses your voice instead of text, but it’s the same concepts)

After using the application for a few months, I have identified many reasons why women may not respond. Here are ten reasons:

1. She wasn’t serious all along

Some people sign up for dating apps due to boredom or curiosity. She may not have any intentions of meeting anyone. Sometimes, she just wants to know how many people she could match with.

Initially, I downloaded unveil so I could write a review on it. Now, I use it for research purposes.

2. You’re too serious

If you sound too serious early on, you can scare her away. For example, once a guy messaged me and told me his entire life story the first time we exchanged messages. I was wondering, “Why is he telling me so much personal information? I barely even know him!”

Don’t invest so much emotion into someone unless she has shown a bit of interest.

3. You seem desperate

If you make it seem like she’s your only option, she will be turned off. Don’t always be the first one to message her. Allow her to respond or initiate. If you’re constantly trying to get her attention, she will think you’re super needy and will most likely find you less attractive. Continue reading “10 reasons why she doesn’t text back”

3 helpful dating tips for men (and women!)

helpful-tips

Hello, my dear readers!

This post is based on my own experiences and is biased. Please understand there isn’t something that will work for every single woman/man. My intention is to help you. These tips are for the initial stage when you’re trying to get her/him interested.

1. Ask for her advice 

Oftentimes, guys may notice someone they find attractive but do not know how to approach them without seeming creepy or desperate.

Well, I have the perfect solution for you! Go up to your “target” and ask for her opinion.

Women love to share their thoughts and give advice. Use this to your advantage. For example, you can go up to her and ask, “Hey. I’m debating between this *show her the item* and this *show her the other item*. I would like to get a woman’s opinion. Which would you choose and why?”

Unless you come off as a creep, chances are, she will stop and give you her opinion.

Once you get her talking, it is much easier to carry on the conversation. Notice her body language though. If she looks uncomfortable and wants to leave, don’t push it and just thank her for her time.

(A woman can do this too. It might seem rather bold, but I’m sure most men wouldn’t mind.)  Continue reading “3 helpful dating tips for men (and women!)”

Modern Romance: Too many choices

modern-romance-cover

Today, my post is going to be based off the book, “Modern Romance”. It is a research-based book that is written by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg. It is extremely interesting and insightful, so I highly recommend!!

Due to the advancement in our technology, it has evolved how we date. Today, we can access hundreds of singles with only a few clicks or swipes. It is honestly too easy. In our parents’ generation, if a guy wanted to ask a girl out, he would either have to call through the landline or do it in person. If we go back to before the invention of the telephone, people had no choice but to do everything in person.

Now, we don’t even need to put in effort anymore. Within minutes, people could message or spam hundreds of potentials. There are so many choices and dating sites/apps allow us to customize and filter what we want. 

Only Asians? Ok. Only women between 18-25? Ok. You get the point.

My friend downloaded a dating app and within a day, she received over 640 messages from men. Can you believe it? If the guys had to call her and start a conversation, how many do you think would actually go through with it?

In addition, my generation is so drawn to our phones that asking people out and/or breaking up with people over text is actually no longer surprising. In fact, research shows that most of the younger generation is ok with it.

So, we have lowered the amount of efforts required for both men and women. Furthermore, we expect more and want more than the previous generations. In the past, people got married because they needed to produce children in order to sustain their farmland. They needed children to do the labour. It was for survival and duty.

But today, we’re not satisfied with just anyone. Our standards have gone up. We want someone who makes us feel complete. We want someone who shares similar interests as us. We want someone who we can’t live without.

Not only that, dating is more complicated because there are unwritten rules that we all follow now. For instance:

Modern romance #3.jpg

But some may say, but Grace, isn’t it better we have choices now? We are no longer forced to marry our neighbours! That is a good thing.  Continue reading “Modern Romance: Too many choices”

The texting game

mind-games

In today’s world, technology has really changed how relationships work. People no longer have to make direct phone calls or go to the person’s house in order to make plans. Nowadays, the majority of the people text.

Therefore, if you suck at texting, you’re in trouble.

I’m going to share a real story with you guys. It was a conversation between me and my friend. She had recently downloaded a lot of dating apps and was trying them out. She matched with a few guys and immediately messaged them.

Me: You messaged him? You should probably have waited for him to initiate a conversation!

Friend: Why? If we matched, what’s the point if we don’t talk to each other?

Me: True…but it’s already so easy for the guys. They can swipe hundreds of people in a matter of minutes. Plus, it only takes a few seconds to start a conversation. If he doesn’t even need to start a conversation, he might not value you. What did you say?

Friend: I said, “Hi, Joseph.”

Me: SO FORMAL!?!?! Omg, if you’re going to say something. You should make a comment about his profile or picture or something. Or tell a joke. It would be more interesting!?!

Friend: Why do I have to purposely change myself?

Me: Okay okay. Do whatever you want. I just don’t want you to get hurt. Most of the time, people might be playing the texting game.

Friend: What’s the texting game? Why do we have to play games? I just want to get straight to the point. Don’t waste my time.  Continue reading “The texting game”