Dear Grace posts

To my dear readers,

Last year, on volarenovels.com, I started my own “Dear Grace” section where readers can email or ask me about a particular issue over discord. Here are the links to my 8 “Dear Grace” posts!

NOTE: The site has moved so all old links are dead. The links below have been modified.

  1. Dear Grace, there is this girl that I’m interested in…but she doesn’t live in my country. How do I know whether we are compatible with each other? I’m willing to travel to her.

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-compatible/

Cheesy macaroni

2. Dear Grace, I feel like women only want my money. I want to find a woman who loves me for who I am, and not for the size of my wallet. Why are women always after my money? It’s not like I have a requirement that she must earn a certain amount before I would date her.

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-women-always-money/

No money no honey

 

3. Dear Grace, why do I always get ghosted by guys? It really bothers me. Initially, they show so much interest in me. But again and again, I’m only left with disappointment.

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-always-get-ghosted-guys/

Ghost

 

4. Dear Grace, I’ve been with my ex for three years. She broke up with me because she said she no longer feels the same. I can’t let go. I want to get her back. What can I do to make her change her mind?

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-how-can-i-get-my-ex-back/

Insane heart

 

5. Dear Grace, what should I do if I fell for someone who is not right for me?

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-what-should-i-do-if-i-fell-for-the-wrong-person/

love traffic lights

 

6. Dear Grace, my online friend will have to go through an arranged marriage after she graduates from University. I am concerned for her happiness. What should I do?

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-my-friend-will-have-to-go-through-an-arranged-marriage/

arranged marriage

 

7. Dear Grace, how can I get over someone and accept that we have no future together?

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-how-can-i-get-over-someone-and-accept-that-we-have-no-future-together/

Let go

 

8. Dear Grace, how can I get out of the friend zone? 

http://109.202.109.5/dear-grace-how-can-i-get-out-of-the-friend-zone/

friendzone gg

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed reading my responses! If you want to ask me something, feel free to email me at gchan7127@gmail.com.

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10 reasons why she doesn’t text back

no text back

Have you ever messaged a woman and wondered why she doesn’t message you back?

In the past, I had always thought it was common courtesy to respond to anyone who had messaged me. However, after using my first dating app (Unveil), I’ve came to an understanding as to why some women do not return messages.

(Note: The app uses your voice instead of text, but it’s the same concepts)

After using the application for a few months, I have identified many reasons why women may not respond. Here are ten reasons:

1. She wasn’t serious all along

Some people sign up for dating apps due to boredom or curiosity. She may not have any intentions of meeting anyone. Sometimes, she just wants to know how many people she could match with.

Initially, I downloaded unveil so I could write a review on it. Now, I use it for research purposes.

2. You’re too serious

If you sound too serious early on, you can scare her away. For example, once a guy messaged me and told me his entire life story the first time we exchanged messages. I was wondering, “Why is he telling me so much personal information? I barely even know him!”

Don’t invest so much emotion into someone unless she has shown a bit of interest.

3. You seem desperate

If you make it seem like she’s your only option, she will be turned off. Don’t always be the first one to message her. Allow her to respond or initiate. If you’re constantly trying to get her attention, she will think you’re super needy and will most likely find you less attractive. Continue reading “10 reasons why she doesn’t text back”

3 helpful dating tips for men (and women!)

helpful-tips

Hello, my dear readers!

This post is based on my own experiences and is biased. Please understand there isn’t something that will work for every single woman/man. My intention is to help you. These tips are for the initial stage when you’re trying to get her/him interested.

1. Ask for her advice 

Oftentimes, guys may notice someone they find attractive but do not know how to approach them without seeming creepy or desperate.

Well, I have the perfect solution for you! Go up to your “target” and ask for her opinion.

Women love to share their thoughts and give advice. Use this to your advantage. For example, you can go up to her and ask, “Hey. I’m debating between this *show her the item* and this *show her the other item*. I would like to get a woman’s opinion. Which would you choose and why?”

Unless you come off as a creep, chances are, she will stop and give you her opinion.

Once you get her talking, it is much easier to carry on the conversation. Notice her body language though. If she looks uncomfortable and wants to leave, don’t push it and just thank her for her time.

(A woman can do this too. It might seem rather bold, but I’m sure most men wouldn’t mind.)  Continue reading “3 helpful dating tips for men (and women!)”

Modern Romance: Too many choices

modern-romance-cover

Today, my post is going to be based off the book, “Modern Romance”. It is a research-based book that is written by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg. It is extremely interesting and insightful, so I highly recommend!!

Due to the advancement in our technology, it has evolved how we date. Today, we can access hundreds of singles with only a few clicks or swipes. It is honestly too easy. In our parents’ generation, if a guy wanted to ask a girl out, he would either have to call through the landline or do it in person. If we go back to before the invention of the telephone, people had no choice but to do everything in person.

Now, we don’t even need to put in effort anymore. Within minutes, people could message or spam hundreds of potentials. There are so many choices and dating sites/apps allow us to customize and filter what we want. 

Only Asians? Ok. Only women between 18-25? Ok. You get the point.

My friend downloaded a dating app and within a day, she received over 640 messages from men. Can you believe it? If the guys had to call her and start a conversation, how many do you think would actually go through with it?

In addition, my generation is so drawn to our phones that asking people out and/or breaking up with people over text is actually no longer surprising. In fact, research shows that most of the younger generation is ok with it.

So, we have lowered the amount of efforts required for both men and women. Furthermore, we expect more and want more than the previous generations. In the past, people got married because they needed to produce children in order to sustain their farmland. They needed children to do the labour. It was for survival and duty.

But today, we’re not satisfied with just anyone. Our standards have gone up. We want someone who makes us feel complete. We want someone who shares similar interests as us. We want someone who we can’t live without.

Not only that, dating is more complicated because there are unwritten rules that we all follow now. For instance:

Modern romance #3.jpg

But some may say, but Grace, isn’t it better we have choices now? We are no longer forced to marry our neighbours! That is a good thing.  Continue reading “Modern Romance: Too many choices”

The texting game

mind-games

In today’s world, technology has really changed how relationships work. People no longer have to make direct phone calls or go to the person’s house in order to make plans. Nowadays, the majority of the people text.

Therefore, if you suck at texting, you’re in trouble.

I’m going to share a real story with you guys. It was a conversation between me and my friend. She had recently downloaded a lot of dating apps and was trying them out. She matched with a few guys and immediately messaged them.

Me: You messaged him? You should probably have waited for him to initiate a conversation!

Friend: Why? If we matched, what’s the point if we don’t talk to each other?

Me: True…but it’s already so easy for the guys. They can swipe hundreds of people in a matter of minutes. Plus, it only takes a few seconds to start a conversation. If he doesn’t even need to start a conversation, he might not value you. What did you say?

Friend: I said, “Hi, Joseph.”

Me: SO FORMAL!?!?! Omg, if you’re going to say something. You should make a comment about his profile or picture or something. Or tell a joke. It would be more interesting!?!

Friend: Why do I have to purposely change myself?

Me: Okay okay. Do whatever you want. I just don’t want you to get hurt. Most of the time, people might be playing the texting game.

Friend: What’s the texting game? Why do we have to play games? I just want to get straight to the point. Don’t waste my time.  Continue reading “The texting game”

Unveil: A voice messaging dating app

unveil

To celebrate breaking 500000 views on my blog, I decided to try something new. I downloaded my first ever dating app!! I found out about this app through Lisa. It is called Unveil and I think the concept is very interesting.

Basically, everyone’s pictures start off as blurry. The only way you can see what the person looks like is if you send voice messages back and forth. The more you talk, the more gets unveil.

The reason why I like this is because:

  1. It is less shallow. You are not messaging a person based on what they look like (since you can’t see what they look like). Instead, you are messaging them based on their content from their voice intro.
  2. Voices convey a lot more emotions compared to text. It feels much more personal.

Anyways, this is how you start.

  1. You download the app.
  2. You add your name and your birthday (only your age will show) and your gender.
  3. You state your gender preference.
  4. You record a voice intro.
  5. You can browse and listen to others’ intros. If you swipe, you go to the next person. If you want to respond to a person, you just click the microphone at the corner. The maximum length is 2 minutes.

My voice intro was actually very shitty but it was actually what I was thinking; hence I didn’t change it. This is what I said, “Hi, my name is Grace and I like inspirational things….and singing. *awkward 2 secs pause* What about you? *another awkward pause* I wanted to try this out because it seems like a very cool concept… and…we’ll see. *pause for one more sec*. That’s it.” [end]

I thought about changing it and making it sound more attractive. Or perhaps singing to “trap” some guys. But ultimately, I decided to leave it because I’d rather the person like me for my less-perfect version. I want to be real and not edit my thoughts.

Anyhow, one person did message me. We’ll call him S for stranger. The first message S sent me was, “Hey Grace. You said you like inspirational things. What’s your biggest inspiration and why?” Continue reading “Unveil: A voice messaging dating app”

Dating: Young vs Old.

dating-again

When you’re young, dating is very simple and innocent. Usually, you want to be with the person simply because you like him/her. It’s typically more fairy-tale like.

However, when you’re older, attraction is not enough (if you’re looking for something serious). There are way more things that play a factor in whether you would want to be with a person for the long term.

For instance:

Would you want the person to be the mother/father of your child?

Is he/she financially stable?

Does he/she want kids?

Could you stand living with him/her?

Is he/she supportive of your goals and dreams?

And so on.

You might say, “Well, that’s not true. I don’t think about that stuff when I’m dating.” Haha. I think this highly depends on your age and how serious you are. If you’re just looking for fun and something short term, it definitely wouldn’t matter. However, if you’re at an age where you feel pressured or you want to settle down, then the answers to these questions are actually very important.  Continue reading “Dating: Young vs Old.”