To my dear readers,
I haven’t blogged in SO LONG. Haha. (Sorry). Today, I would like to share some of the online dating mistakes I have made in the past and also two awesome tips. Hopefully, this post will help provide you with some insight.
- Too focused on the outcome
This is a big one. In the past, while I was online dating, my sole purpose was to find a potential relationship. I didn’t want to sleep around, or waste time. So, my mindset was, “Don’t talk to me unless you want something serious.”
However, whoever you’re talking to doesn’t even know you yet. You can’t expect or ask someone to show commitment before they even have an idea of what you’re like.
Suggestion: After speaking to them for a week or two, perhaps set up a date to meet up and see whether you enjoy their company. Don’t make it like an interview style and ask questions like, “When would you like to settle down?” “How many kids do you want?” and etc (Note: I didn’t do that but you get the idea. It may scare off a lot of people if you come off so intense at the beginning. Do not plan out or imagine your entire future with a stranger!)
- Suffered from Oneitis
In the past, I recalled getting very attached to someone I’ve met online. I think it was because I liked him so much that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I was so focused on him that I wanted him to respond to me every day (and quickly too). I didn’t realize I was giving him so much pressure until it was much too late.
I remember having lots of options but in my mind, I was like, “No! I just want him! I don’t need anyone else!” (I know, so pathetic -_-). But when you’re overly obsessed with a person, it makes you appear very clingy and desperate.
Suggestion: Pace yourself in the conversation. It’s not sustainable if you want someone to constantly respond to you. Quality over quantity. Also, don’t focus on just one guy/girl until you guys are exclusive. He/she is probably talking to many others as well.
- Being too demanding
In the past, I’ve been extremely vocal about what I want. But if a person is interested in you, you wouldn’t need to force him/her to do anything.
As my student/friend said, “Grace, don’t judge a man by what he says. Judge a man by what he does.”
It’s sooooo true! Let his actions to speak for himself.
If a person wants to see you, they’ll make time. If a person values you, they’ll show you. Allow them to come to you.
Suggestion: Don’t make anyone do anything. Just let it be and wait and see.
Now that I’ve told you about the 3 mistakes I’ve made, here are 2 awesome tips:
- Be unique
Don’t give generic answers and ask boring questions. Your profile should be uniquely you. If you say the same thing as everyone else, you won’t stand out at all.
Ex. I love trying new restaurants.
Uh…BORING????? Be more specific. And it’s hard to start a conversation with someone that offers such limited material. What can the person ask you aside from what type of restaurants/food?
You should try to make yourself more unforgettable so the guy/girl actually remembers who you are.
For instance, share a cool experience. I went fishing in North Pole and encountered a polar bear. LOL (you get the idea). You want the other person to ask you questions.
Don’t say stuff like “Hey, how are you?” “How’s work?” Questions with low effort will usually result in shitty or no replies.
Secondly, only invest in a person that respects you, values you, and invests in you. So ask yourself:
Do they respect you?
Do they value you?
Do they invest in you?
If there’s no respect, value or investment, why are you still talking to him/her?!
Anyhow, that’s all for today. Hopefully you guys found this post helpful. I wish you all the best! ❤