Tag: communication

My dating experience on Hinge

Disclaimer: This is from my own personal experience and may or may not reflect the experiences of others. I started using Hinge from August 30th until around mid Oct of 2019.

PROFILE

You can sign up an account using only your phone number. Hinge allows you to choose/upload 6 photos of yourself. It took me a while to choose 6 haha. My friends next to me were so impatient.

  • I picked a selfie with my friend (but I covered her face in case it was confusing).
  • I had another full body image of myself so people would have an idea of my physical size (This was the most popular photo. I got the most hearts from this one).
  • There was a photo of me sitting with a bubble tea in my hand
  • I had another picture of myself as Baby Grace from the snapchat filter
  • There was also another photo of me and my brother in the museum of illusions. I was posing in awesome manner (upside down) while he was just standing straight and being boring
  • I also included another group photo of me and my friends failing in an escape room T_T (I WANNA ESCAPE YOOOOO)

I had to choose 3 prompts for Hinge. Prompts are used as conversation starters. The guy/girl may comment on your prompt. However, they cannot have a conversation with you unless you accept/allow them to.

Here were my prompts:

I’m the type of texter who
loves puns. I love English puns, Chinese puns. As long as they are punny, go for it. XD

Together we can…
compose a song together! I loveeee music!!!

The secret to getting to know me is
read my blog. liveandlearn88.com

I like my prompts because I think it makes me more unique and it reflects me well. I didn’t want to be the typical “I like to eat, travel, and sleep” LOL (no offense if that’s what you like).

If you are confused and needs some help using Hinge, visit https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/categories/360001659533-Getting-Started for more information

 

MY EXPERIENCE

I’m told that guys on Hinge get to swipe approximately 5 people a day if they are a regular user. (I’m not sure if it’s the same for females).

Personally, I didn’t actually click like on anyone’s profiles. I only commented on one profile because I wanted to know what a dank meme was.

I didn’t actually have to initiate anything with anyone because I was getting likes every few minutes on the first day I created my profile. At first, I was open to all. But I had to make it super difficult because there were too many people and some guys were so old, they could be my dad. For instance, one guy was 64… uh…

As a result, I made it much harder for people to discover me since I put a deal breaker on age, no one with kids already, no drugs, and etc.

Hinge made me a preferred member for a month because they wanted to encourage me to use the app more. When you’re a preferred member, you can see everyone that has liked/commented on your profile. Otherwise, you would have to accept or reject one at a time before you can view the next person’s profile.

As a preferred member, you also get preferred preferences and you can customize it even more to fit what you are looking for.

 

LUCK

The reason why I have to filter so hard is because there are just too many people. I cannot talk to everyone. Basically, I accepted those who read my blog LOL (I can tell based on their comments) and if they are into music.

There are definitely a lot of guys with potential, but I have limited time and energy. I can only focus on so many before I lose track of the names and get them all mixed up. I cannot talk to a hundred people. I know that a hundred likes doesn’t necessarily mean a hundred options. However, if I accepted and they messaged me, I didn’t want to ignore them. Hence, I just let them pile up.

So as you can tell, online dating has a lot to do with luck too.

  1. Both you and your match have to be using it during the same time span.
  2. The age range is also a huge factor. I had just turned 31 around two weeks after I created my profile. One of my matches told me his cut off was 30. So technically, if I had started using the app in the middle of Sept, I wouldn’t even have popped up in his feed and we wouldn’t have spoken.
  3. Aside from one other person, I only spoke with those who have messaged me within the first 2-3 days that I was using the app. So it’s almost like first come first serve (Sorry if that sounds bad).

  Continue reading “My dating experience on Hinge”

Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips

To my dear readers,

I haven’t blogged in SO LONG. Haha. (Sorry). Today, I would like to share some of the online dating mistakes I have made in the past and also two awesome tips. Hopefully, this post will help provide you with some insight.

 

  1. Too focused on the outcome

This is a big one. In the past, while I was online dating, my sole purpose was to find a potential relationship. I didn’t want to sleep around, or waste time. So, my mindset was, “Don’t talk to me unless you want something serious.”

However, whoever you’re talking to doesn’t even know you yet. You can’t expect or ask someone to show commitment before they even have an idea of what you’re like.

Suggestion: After speaking to them for a week or two, perhaps set up a date to meet up and see whether you enjoy their company. Don’t make it like an interview style and ask questions like, “When would you like to settle down?” “How many kids do you want?” and etc (Note: I didn’t do that but you get the idea. It may scare off a lot of people if you come off so intense at the beginning. Do not plan out or imagine your entire future with a stranger!)

 

  1. Suffered from Oneitis

In the past, I recalled getting very attached to someone I’ve met online. I think it was because I liked him so much that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I was so focused on him that I wanted him to respond to me every day (and quickly too). I didn’t realize I was giving him so much pressure until it was much too late.

I remember having lots of options but in my mind, I was like, “No! I just want him! I don’t need anyone else!” (I know, so pathetic -_-). But when you’re overly obsessed with a person, it makes you appear very clingy and desperate.

Suggestion: Pace yourself in the conversation. It’s not sustainable if you want someone to constantly respond to you. Quality over quantity. Also, don’t focus on just one guy/girl until you guys are exclusive. He/she is probably talking to many others as well.

 

  1. Being too demanding

In the past, I’ve been extremely vocal about what I want. But if a person is interested in you, you wouldn’t need to force him/her to do anything.

As my student/friend said, “Grace, don’t judge a man by what he says. Judge a man by what he does.”

It’s sooooo true! Let his actions to speak for himself.

If a person wants to see you, they’ll make time. If a person values you, they’ll show you. Allow them to come to you.

Suggestion: Don’t make anyone do anything. Just let it be and wait and see.

Now that I’ve told you about the 3 mistakes I’ve made, here are 2 awesome tips: Continue reading “Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips”

10 reasons why she doesn’t text back

no text back

Have you ever messaged a woman and wondered why she doesn’t message you back?

In the past, I had always thought it was common courtesy to respond to anyone who had messaged me. However, after using my first dating app (Unveil), I’ve came to an understanding as to why some women do not return messages.

(Note: The app uses your voice instead of text, but it’s the same concepts)

After using the application for a few months, I have identified many reasons why women may not respond. Here are ten reasons:

1. She wasn’t serious all along

Some people sign up for dating apps due to boredom or curiosity. She may not have any intentions of meeting anyone. Sometimes, she just wants to know how many people she could match with.

Initially, I downloaded unveil so I could write a review on it. Now, I use it for research purposes.

2. You’re too serious

If you sound too serious early on, you can scare her away. For example, once a guy messaged me and told me his entire life story the first time we exchanged messages. I was wondering, “Why is he telling me so much personal information? I barely even know him!”

Don’t invest so much emotion into someone unless she has shown a bit of interest.

3. You seem desperate

If you make it seem like she’s your only option, she will be turned off. Don’t always be the first one to message her. Allow her to respond or initiate. If you’re constantly trying to get her attention, she will think you’re super needy and will most likely find you less attractive. Continue reading “10 reasons why she doesn’t text back”

Asking the right questions

To my dear readers,

If you can’t tell by now, the translator of “The Eunuch is Pregnant” is from theeunuch dot com. All the other sites have stolen my translations. Since they keep stealing my stuff, they might as well steal my blog posts too. I started off as a blogger anyway. Here’s a post I wrote a year ago. (Btw, I linked a video too, I wonder if the aggregators will upload that too?)

I am featured in a podcast with some of my friends from Faulty Logix! In the episode, I shared about why I started blogging, some of my most popular posts, some personal stories (including receiving an inappropriate pic once!) The guys and I also had a discussion about whether guys and girls can be purely friends. Feel free to listen! If you like what you hear, don’t forget to subscribe and follow them!

 

ask-the-right-questions

On another note, I want to tell you guys how to get close to someone. The key, is to ask the right questions. Oftentimes, the questions we ask or get asked are too surface level. Ex. “Hey, what’s new?” “How’s work?” These type of questions will usually only give you short and simple responses.

In order to really get to know someone, you have to dig deeper. Here are some deeper questions you could ask:

1. Who is your hero? What qualities make them your choice?
2. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy? Why?
3. What values are important to you?
4. What scares you? 
5. What makes you feel alive? 

These questions will definitely give you a much better idea of what the person is like because answering these questions require a lot more thought. The person actually has to think and be a bit vulnerable. Continue reading “Asking the right questions”

Guess who is featured in an interesting podcast!? (me)

To my dear readers,

Last week, my ex neighbour Jack picked me up and we recorded an interesting podcast with his friend and co-host Gavin in his “studio” (his room). Haha.

I haven’t seen Jack since 2002. He was 9 at the time.

It’s crazy how time flew by and we recently reconnected through facebook because he was trying to promote his podcast. Ahahahahaha.

Anyhow, the podcast is super interesting so you should listen.

Here’s briefly what we talked about: Continue reading “Guess who is featured in an interesting podcast!? (me)”

Hm… thoughts?

Green one eyed monster
This is my profile pic on discord. Haha.
Last Monday, I didn’t write my normal Monday post. I felt bad and I wanted to write, but I didn’t feel like venting or sharing some of my personal issues.

However, I don’t want to skip my post again, so I’m going to share a bit.

If you have read my last original post My Adventures on Discord , you would know that I have found a very fun and interactive online community.

Due to my illness, I am often at home. Therefore, nowadays, I usually go on discord daily.

I really enjoy karaoke-ing and chatting with different translators and editors from all over the world. Sometimes, on voice chat, people would play guitar or piano, and a bunch of us would mute ourselves and listen. It’s like attending a concert, except you can only listen.

A few days ago, Options was playing the piano. Deceptioning made a comment.

Deceptioning: Your girlfriend will be a lucky woman (due to the fast fingers? Haha)

A bunch of people: Options is a girl!

Deceptioning: Oh…lucky guy then?

Options: Well, I do have my options (get it? Her name is Options, so she has her options! AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA *insert the laughing crying face emoticon*)

*By the way, this was through text and we didn’t actually hear Option speak, so most of us had no idea she was a female.

But on a serious note, discord also made me learn a few things about myself and people.

If someone really wants to talk to you, he/she will make the effort to talk to you even if there are so many barriers (ex. they’re busy, different time zones, different work schedules, etc).

Continue reading “Hm… thoughts?”

Nerdy Guys on Relationships

ghetto podcast crew

This week I’m doing something totally different from my usual blogs. I have a video instead!!! Originally, I was going to record all the answers by hand and write a post, but my friends suggested recording a video since it was easier and potentially more interesting!?

The video is 24 minutes long, and I know nowadays most of us lack the attention span. Therefore, I understand if you do not end up finishing it. 😦  (but I made it as interesting as possible, so you should watch. Hehe)

This is a collaboration post and I asked my 3 participants four questions:

1. What type of person do you have to become in order to attract the type of woman that you want? 
2. What is the most difficult obstacle for you when it comes to the ladies? (Ex. Getting a date, approaching her, etc)
3. Would you lie for the sake of your partner’s happiness? And if so, where/when do you draw the line?
4. What is one of the greatest lessons you have learnt about relationships? (This can be a personal experience or something you have witnessed) 

Continue reading “Nerdy Guys on Relationships”

From the bottom to the top

started from the bottom.jpg

This post is a collaboration post I did with my friend, Alex. Instead of always talking about my own opinions from my own perspectives, I thought it would be interesting asking someone else. In the past, Alex and I would have very meaningful and deep conversations over coffee. Although he currently resides in Thailand, the internet has made it easy for us to stay in touch. I really like his answers, and hope you will as well.

Me: Alex, I want to write a post in regards to confidence because I think it is so crucial if you want to succeed in anything. Tell me, what does confidence mean to you? 

Alex: I think confidence is being fully comfortable with yourself as a person. Being comfortable with all of your flaws and insecurities and not being afraid to show them. Caring less about what others think and doing what makes you happy instead.

Me: How would you define it?

Alex: Being 100% your true self and not being afraid to express it wherever you are.

Me: I like that!! Everyone’s definition is probably different. To me, confidence is knowing that you’re capable of succeeding if you put in the work. Was there a person who has contributed to your confidence? If so, what did that person do or say to build up your self-esteem and feeling of self-worth?

Alex: One of my good friends living in Korea. He has this never-ending drive to improve himself and I just really admired his determination. Whether it was mastering Korean, starting a business or getting a better job, he made it happen. No matter what. Seeing his drive for being the best motivated me to be the best I could be as well.

Continue reading “From the bottom to the top”

Should you be allowed to hang out alone with the opposite sex if you’re in a relationship?

talking with the opposite gender

This is another controversial topic. I’m going to share both side of the arguments before stating what I think.

Why you shouldn’t be allowed 

+ There are no reasons why you need to see your friend alone. You shouldn’t be sharing things with him/her that you wouldn’t be sharing with me.

+ Men and women cannot be friends. Even if you do not like him/her, he/she probably likes you.

+ It’s not that I don’t trust you. I don’t trust him/her.

+ I should be more important than your friend. Is our relationship more important, or your friendship?

Why you should be allowed

+ She/he was in your life before your partner came in. You used to hang out alone all the time.

+ You guys are honestly just friends.

+ Your partner should trust you enough to be ok with you hanging out with the opposite sex.

+ You shouldn’t have to bring your partner everywhere.

——-

I can see the points from both side of the argument. Personally, I would be extremely upset if I had to choose between my guy friends or my partner. I have many guy friends, and there are some I’ve been friends with since elementary school. In my opinion, it is unfair if I cannot even have a coffee with a friend I have known for 20 years without my partner being there. I would feel offended because I would feel like he doesn’t trust me.

However, I do believe that the frequency of the meetups play a very strong factor. Obviously, if I were to see my guy friends alone on a regular basis, it is inappropriate. But if I were to only meet up once or twice a year,  I think it should be acceptable. (Note: This is my personal opinion)

I do have friends who do not allow their partners to see anyone of the opposite sex though. In their opinion, they want to ensure that nothing can ever occur between their partner and their partner’s friends. Therefore, by not ever allowing them to be alone together, they can minimize any possibilities.

Some people are insecure based on past experiences. If they have been cheated on in the past, they probably won’t let you see friends of the opposite sex (alone or in groups). If they do not believe men and women could be friends, they will most likely be against it as well.

Basically, everyone’s comfort level is different. If you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, you should tell your partner initially. Sometimes, you’re going to have to compromise. Communicate and come up with something that both of you can agree on.

What are your thoughts??

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