Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips

To my dear readers,

I haven’t blogged in SO LONG. Haha. (Sorry). Today, I would like to share some of the online dating mistakes I have made in the past and also two awesome tips. Hopefully, this post will help provide you with some insight.

 

  1. Too focused on the outcome

This is a big one. In the past, while I was online dating, my sole purpose was to find a potential relationship. I didn’t want to sleep around, or waste time. So, my mindset was, “Don’t talk to me unless you want something serious.”

However, whoever you’re talking to doesn’t even know you yet. You can’t expect or ask someone to show commitment before they even have an idea of what you’re like.

Suggestion: After speaking to them for a week or two, perhaps set up a date to meet up and see whether you enjoy their company. Don’t make it like an interview style and ask questions like, “When would you like to settle down?” “How many kids do you want?” and etc (Note: I didn’t do that but you get the idea. It may scare off a lot of people if you come off so intense at the beginning. Do not plan out or imagine your entire future with a stranger!)

 

  1. Suffered from Oneitis

In the past, I recalled getting very attached to someone I’ve met online. I think it was because I liked him so much that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I was so focused on him that I wanted him to respond to me every day (and quickly too). I didn’t realize I was giving him so much pressure until it was much too late.

I remember having lots of options but in my mind, I was like, “No! I just want him! I don’t need anyone else!” (I know, so pathetic -_-). But when you’re overly obsessed with a person, it makes you appear very clingy and desperate.

Suggestion: Pace yourself in the conversation. It’s not sustainable if you want someone to constantly respond to you. Quality over quantity. Also, don’t focus on just one guy/girl until you guys are exclusive. He/she is probably talking to many others as well.

 

  1. Being too demanding

In the past, I’ve been extremely vocal about what I want. But if a person is interested in you, you wouldn’t need to force him/her to do anything.

As my student/friend said, “Grace, don’t judge a man by what he says. Judge a man by what he does.”

It’s sooooo true! Let his actions to speak for himself.

If a person wants to see you, they’ll make time. If a person values you, they’ll show you. Allow them to come to you.

Suggestion: Don’t make anyone do anything. Just let it be and wait and see.

Now that I’ve told you about the 3 mistakes I’ve made, here are 2 awesome tips: Continue reading “Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips”

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Dear Grace posts

To my dear readers,

Last year, on volarenovels.com, I started my own “Dear Grace” section where readers can email or ask me about a particular issue over discord. Here are the links to my 8 “Dear Grace” posts!

NOTE: The site has moved so all old links are dead. The links below have been modified.

  1. Dear Grace, there is this girl that I’m interested in…but she doesn’t live in my country. How do I know whether we are compatible with each other? I’m willing to travel to her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/compatible

Cheesy macaroni

2. Dear Grace, I feel like women only want my money. I want to find a woman who loves me for who I am, and not for the size of my wallet. Why are women always after my money? It’s not like I have a requirement that she must earn a certain amount before I would date her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/women-after-my-money

No money no honey

 

3. Dear Grace, why do I always get ghosted by guys? It really bothers me. Initially, they show so much interest in me. But again and again, I’m only left with disappointment.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/ghosted

Ghost

 

4. Dear Grace, I’ve been with my ex for three years. She broke up with me because she said she no longer feels the same. I can’t let go. I want to get her back. What can I do to make her change her mind?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-my-ex-back

Insane heart

 

5. Dear Grace, what should I do if I fell for someone who is not right for me?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/fell-for-the-wrong-person

love traffic lights

 

6. Dear Grace, my online friend will have to go through an arranged marriage after she graduates from University. I am concerned for her happiness. What should I do?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/arranged-marriage

arranged marriage

 

7. Dear Grace, how can I get over someone and accept that we have no future together?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/no-future-together

Let go

 

8. Dear Grace, how can I get out of the friend zone? 

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-out-of-the-friend-zone

friendzone gg

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed reading my responses! If you want to ask me something, feel free to email me at gchan7127@gmail.com.

My experience on Coffee Meets Bagel

To my dear readers,

Long time no blog!! Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you guys. 😛

Today I would like to share my experience on Coffee Meets Bagel. For those who don’t know, CMB is a free online dating app where you can meet other people from your city. I like this app because guys cannot message you unless it is a mutual like (meaning, they “liked” you and you “liked” them back).

In case you’re confused, here’s a picture I found on google:

Coffee meets bagel app

Anyhow, I’m not going to teach you how to use this application. If you are interested, I’m sure there are many tutorials online!

I’ve been using this app for approximately two weeks or so, and here are some things I have noticed:

Guys are tired of trying

I scrolled through some profiles and I could tell that some guys were tired of making so much effort. Under the column for “I appreciate when my date…..”, some wrote, “shows up”, “offers to split the bill.”, “takes initiative.”

At first, I thought it was just one or two bitter guys. But after using the app for two weeks, I realized I come across these types of profiles on a daily basis!!

So it appears that a lot of the guys had terrible experiences and had been stood up by dates in the past.

This is rather unfortunate because after so much disappointment, they don’t even want to try anymore. Continue reading “My experience on Coffee Meets Bagel”

10 reasons why she doesn’t text back

no text back

Have you ever messaged a woman and wondered why she doesn’t message you back?

In the past, I had always thought it was common courtesy to respond to anyone who had messaged me. However, after using my first dating app (Unveil), I’ve came to an understanding as to why some women do not return messages.

(Note: The app uses your voice instead of text, but it’s the same concepts)

After using the application for a few months, I have identified many reasons why women may not respond. Here are ten reasons:

1. She wasn’t serious all along

Some people sign up for dating apps due to boredom or curiosity. She may not have any intentions of meeting anyone. Sometimes, she just wants to know how many people she could match with.

Initially, I downloaded unveil so I could write a review on it. Now, I use it for research purposes.

2. You’re too serious

If you sound too serious early on, you can scare her away. For example, once a guy messaged me and told me his entire life story the first time we exchanged messages. I was wondering, “Why is he telling me so much personal information? I barely even know him!”

Don’t invest so much emotion into someone unless she has shown a bit of interest.

3. You seem desperate

If you make it seem like she’s your only option, she will be turned off. Don’t always be the first one to message her. Allow her to respond or initiate. If you’re constantly trying to get her attention, she will think you’re super needy and will most likely find you less attractive. Continue reading “10 reasons why she doesn’t text back”

Modern Romance: Too many choices

modern-romance-cover

Today, my post is going to be based off the book, “Modern Romance”. It is a research-based book that is written by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg. It is extremely interesting and insightful, so I highly recommend!!

Due to the advancement in our technology, it has evolved how we date. Today, we can access hundreds of singles with only a few clicks or swipes. It is honestly too easy. In our parents’ generation, if a guy wanted to ask a girl out, he would either have to call through the landline or do it in person. If we go back to before the invention of the telephone, people had no choice but to do everything in person.

Now, we don’t even need to put in effort anymore. Within minutes, people could message or spam hundreds of potentials. There are so many choices and dating sites/apps allow us to customize and filter what we want. 

Only Asians? Ok. Only women between 18-25? Ok. You get the point.

My friend downloaded a dating app and within a day, she received over 640 messages from men. Can you believe it? If the guys had to call her and start a conversation, how many do you think would actually go through with it?

In addition, my generation is so drawn to our phones that asking people out and/or breaking up with people over text is actually no longer surprising. In fact, research shows that most of the younger generation is ok with it.

So, we have lowered the amount of efforts required for both men and women. Furthermore, we expect more and want more than the previous generations. In the past, people got married because they needed to produce children in order to sustain their farmland. They needed children to do the labour. It was for survival and duty.

But today, we’re not satisfied with just anyone. Our standards have gone up. We want someone who makes us feel complete. We want someone who shares similar interests as us. We want someone who we can’t live without.

Not only that, dating is more complicated because there are unwritten rules that we all follow now. For instance:

Modern romance #3.jpg

But some may say, but Grace, isn’t it better we have choices now? We are no longer forced to marry our neighbours! That is a good thing.  Continue reading “Modern Romance: Too many choices”

Unveil: A voice messaging dating app

unveil

To celebrate breaking 500000 views on my blog, I decided to try something new. I downloaded my first ever dating app!! I found out about this app through Lisa. It is called Unveil and I think the concept is very interesting.

Basically, everyone’s pictures start off as blurry. The only way you can see what the person looks like is if you send voice messages back and forth. The more you talk, the more gets unveil.

The reason why I like this is because:

  1. It is less shallow. You are not messaging a person based on what they look like (since you can’t see what they look like). Instead, you are messaging them based on their content from their voice intro.
  2. Voices convey a lot more emotions compared to text. It feels much more personal.

Anyways, this is how you start.

  1. You download the app.
  2. You add your name and your birthday (only your age will show) and your gender.
  3. You state your gender preference.
  4. You record a voice intro.
  5. You can browse and listen to others’ intros. If you swipe, you go to the next person. If you want to respond to a person, you just click the microphone at the corner. The maximum length is 2 minutes.

My voice intro was actually very shitty but it was actually what I was thinking; hence I didn’t change it. This is what I said, “Hi, my name is Grace and I like inspirational things….and singing. *awkward 2 secs pause* What about you? *another awkward pause* I wanted to try this out because it seems like a very cool concept… and…we’ll see. *pause for one more sec*. That’s it.” [end]

I thought about changing it and making it sound more attractive. Or perhaps singing to “trap” some guys. But ultimately, I decided to leave it because I’d rather the person like me for my less-perfect version. I want to be real and not edit my thoughts.

Anyhow, one person did message me. We’ll call him S for stranger. The first message S sent me was, “Hey Grace. You said you like inspirational things. What’s your biggest inspiration and why?” Continue reading “Unveil: A voice messaging dating app”