online dating – Grow with me

Beware of Online Love + Crypto Scam. Personal experience included!

I was going to write this post several months ago, but I got lazy. But this issue happens too often, so I believe that it’s important for me to write a post about it to warn you all.

Nowadays, the younger generation spends most of their time online and on the phone. It isn’t uncommon for people to have various apps to stay in touch with friends, family, and even to meet strangers/potential love interests.

However, because you may be exposing yourself to the “world”, you really need to be careful. Sometimes, you’re not even actively searching, but they will find you.

For example, I received a random text from this dude who messaged me on Whatsapp a few months ago.

Translation:

Guy: Hi, Gwen. Nice to meet you. Auntie Wang gave me your phone number.

Me: Hi. My name is Grace. Who is Auntie Wang?

Guy: Auntie Wang said she already told you about me. Aren’t you Gwen? I have already messed up once. *angry face*

Me: You found the wrong person. I don’t know any Auntie Wang.

Guy: Forget it. I won’t keep searching. I’ll tell Auntie Wang I’ve found you. Nice to meet you, Grace. My name is Louis. Oh wait, you know Chinese?

This guy is clearly a scammer. First of all, I don’t know any Auntie Wang. And let’s say this “Auntie Wang” did exist, why the heck would she introduce me to someone that doesn’t even LIVE in Toronto? The phone number was from the U.S. And this person sounded surprised I know Chinese. Does he think I’m stupid? He is getting “introduced” to someone without knowing that person actually knows Chinese, but he messages me in Chinese?

Omg. I got so mad that I blocked him after a few more back and forth. I wanted to know how he would try to scam me, but it’s not worth my time.

And it’s also quite obvious he stole the picture of a random handsome “western” looking guy and is pretending to be him. I don’t know how he got my phone number, but I know of a few people who’ve also received messages from random strangers on Wechat and Whatsapp. My guy friend got a message from someone who claims she’s from Hong Kong. He told her she got the wrong person, but she kept talking and started talking about investing and etc. BEWARE. Continue reading “Beware of Online Love + Crypto Scam. Personal experience included!”

My 6 dates with 6 guys on Hinge

Me posing with trees I debated a long time whether I should write this post. This is a continuation of my previous post, “My dating experience on Hinge.” If you haven’t read that yet, you should read it first before proceeding.

Everything I’m about to say were my honest thoughts –what I was thinking at the time, and how I felt about it.

Disclaimer: While I was chatting with all of them simultaneously, by no means was I trying to “play around” with other people’s emotions. I genuinely spent a lot of time trying to get to know each of them.

To keep them anonymous, I’m going to call the guys: A, B, C, D, E, and F. They’re in the order that I met them in.

I started talking to A because he read my blog. Because of his comment to one of my prompts, I knew he took the time to read my post. At the time, my latest post was 30,000 days, and it was about how most people only have 30,000 days on Earth.

Personally, if a guy actually takes the time to read my blog, I’m almost guaranteed to respond and chat. I really like how they would take the time to try to get to know me beyond the physical aspect.

Anyhow, I soon found out A was intense. This guy likes doing so many physical activities. At the time, he was training daily for a marathon.

Since we spoke in September of last year, my memory is a bit rusty. I think he was preparing for a 22km run in Montreal.

He mentioned about going for runs together, and I was like.. uh.. ok you run the first 20km and I’ll join for the last 2km. AHAHAHAHA.

A gave me the impression that he was really nice, independent, more of a listener type, hardcore, and kind of quiet.

I found out he was from Mauritius and he actually spoke French very fluently. Now, I’m someone who really likes languages and French is a very sexy language. *sigh* The French accent is so hot.

As a Canadian, French is actually one of our national languages. Sadly, despite the mandatory classes from Grade 4-9, I can’t communicate in French at all. I only know very basic vocabulary. I can’t even ask a question properly because I don’t know how the grammar structure work. *cries*

Ok, back on topic.

I really admire people who can do things that I can’t do. During our date, I tried to get A to teach me some French and roll the R (but I still fail). I had a list, and he helped me, but I can’t remember jack shit (please excuse my language). I feel like I really need someone to speak to me or be exposed in that environment in order to learn. Sigh.

A and I lived very very far apart from each other. So we decided to meet halfway, and met at Yonge and Finch.

We met at a café and I thought it was kind of cute how he had a hat on. I think he was trying to hide his hair or something (either it was too long or too messy?).

He was actually a lot more quiet in person than online. I wasn’t sure whether he was shy or he just didn’t want to talk too much.

But as a person who talks a lot, it didn’t bother me. AHAHAHAHA. We had a nice conversation and soon, it was dinner time.

I didn’t want to force A to eat with me, so I gave him the opportunity to leave. I said, “Do you need to go home? I know you have to wake up early for work.” (I always give guys a chance to leave if they want to. I know some people just stay for the sake of being polite.)

A had his chance to leave but decided to stay out, so we went somewhere nearby and had Korean food.

A’s family is in Montreal, and he mentioned driving there often to see them. It was pretty crazy because eventually I found out we have a mutual friend/acquaintance. Apparently, someone I know (a friend of a friend) was his neighbour back in Mauritius! What a small world.

Omg, this is getting too long. I’m not going to go into too many details. Anyway, we had a nice dinner. By the time we left, it was already 10 something. We met up around 6?? I am assuming he enjoyed it, or he would’ve left sooner than later. He had to wake up at 6:30am for work on a daily basis. *cries for A* Continue reading “My 6 dates with 6 guys on Hinge”

My dating experience on Hinge

Disclaimer: This is from my own personal experience and may or may not reflect the experiences of others. I started using Hinge from August 30^th until around mid Oct of 2019.

PROFILE

You can sign up an account using only your phone number. Hinge allows you to choose/upload 6 photos of yourself. It took me a while to choose 6 haha. My friends next to me were so impatient.

I picked a selfie with my friend (but I covered her face in case it was confusing).
I had another full body image of myself so people would have an idea of my physical size (This was the most popular photo. I got the most hearts from this one).
There was a photo of me sitting with a bubble tea in my hand
I had another picture of myself as Baby Grace from the snapchat filter
There was also another photo of me and my brother in the museum of illusions. I was posing in awesome manner (upside down) while he was just standing straight and being boring
I also included another group photo of me and my friends failing in an escape room T_T (I WANNA ESCAPE YOOOOO)

I had to choose 3 prompts for Hinge. Prompts are used as conversation starters. The guy/girl may comment on your prompt. However, they cannot have a conversation with you unless you accept/allow them to.

Here were my prompts:

I’m the type of texter who
loves puns. I love English puns, Chinese puns. As long as they are punny, go for it. XD

Together we can…
compose a song together! I loveeee music!!!

The secret to getting to know me is
read my blog. liveandlearn88.com

I like my prompts because I think it makes me more unique and it reflects me well. I didn’t want to be the typical “I like to eat, travel, and sleep” LOL (no offense if that’s what you like).

If you are confused and needs some help using Hinge, visit https://hingeapp.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/categories/360001659533-Getting-Started for more information

MY EXPERIENCE

I’m told that guys on Hinge get to swipe approximately 5 people a day if they are a regular user. (I’m not sure if it’s the same for females).

Personally, I didn’t actually click like on anyone’s profiles. I only commented on one profile because I wanted to know what a dank meme was.

I didn’t actually have to initiate anything with anyone because I was getting likes every few minutes on the first day I created my profile. At first, I was open to all. But I had to make it super difficult because there were too many people and some guys were so old, they could be my dad. For instance, one guy was 64… uh…

As a result, I made it much harder for people to discover me since I put a deal breaker on age, no one with kids already, no drugs, and etc.

Hinge made me a preferred member for a month because they wanted to encourage me to use the app more. When you’re a preferred member, you can see everyone that has liked/commented on your profile. Otherwise, you would have to accept or reject one at a time before you can view the next person’s profile.

As a preferred member, you also get preferred preferences and you can customize it even more to fit what you are looking for.

LUCK

The reason why I have to filter so hard is because there are just too many people. I cannot talk to everyone. Basically, I accepted those who read my blog LOL (I can tell based on their comments) and if they are into music.

There are definitely a lot of guys with potential, but I have limited time and energy. I can only focus on so many before I lose track of the names and get them all mixed up. I cannot talk to a hundred people. I know that a hundred likes doesn’t necessarily mean a hundred options. However, if I accepted and they messaged me, I didn’t want to ignore them. Hence, I just let them pile up.

So as you can tell, online dating has a lot to do with luck too.

Both you and your match have to be using it during the same time span.
The age range is also a huge factor. I had just turned 31 around two weeks after I created my profile. One of my matches told me his cut off was 30. So technically, if I had started using the app in the middle of Sept, I wouldn’t even have popped up in his feed and we wouldn’t have spoken.
Aside from one other person, I only spoke with those who have messaged me within the first 2-3 days that I was using the app. So it’s almost like first come first serve (Sorry if that sounds bad).

Continue reading “My dating experience on Hinge”

Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips

To my dear readers,

I haven’t blogged in SO LONG. Haha. (Sorry). Today, I would like to share some of the online dating mistakes I have made in the past and also two awesome tips. Hopefully, this post will help provide you with some insight.

Too focused on the outcome

This is a big one. In the past, while I was online dating, my sole purpose was to find a potential relationship. I didn’t want to sleep around, or waste time. So, my mindset was, “Don’t talk to me unless you want something serious.”

However, whoever you’re talking to doesn’t even know you yet. You can’t expect or ask someone to show commitment before they even have an idea of what you’re like.

Suggestion: After speaking to them for a week or two, perhaps set up a date to meet up and see whether you enjoy their company. Don’t make it like an interview style and ask questions like, “When would you like to settle down?” “How many kids do you want?” and etc (Note: I didn’t do that but you get the idea. It may scare off a lot of people if you come off so intense at the beginning. Do not plan out or imagine your entire future with a stranger!)

Suffered from Oneitis

In the past, I recalled getting very attached to someone I’ve met online. I think it was because I liked him so much that I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. I was so focused on him that I wanted him to respond to me every day (and quickly too). I didn’t realize I was giving him so much pressure until it was much too late.

I remember having lots of options but in my mind, I was like, “No! I just want him! I don’t need anyone else!” (I know, so pathetic -_-). But when you’re overly obsessed with a person, it makes you appear very clingy and desperate.

Suggestion: Pace yourself in the conversation. It’s not sustainable if you want someone to constantly respond to you. Quality over quantity. Also, don’t focus on just one guy/girl until you guys are exclusive. He/she is probably talking to many others as well.

Being too demanding

In the past, I’ve been extremely vocal about what I want. But if a person is interested in you, you wouldn’t need to force him/her to do anything.

As my student/friend said, “Grace, don’t judge a man by what he says. Judge a man by what he does.”

It’s sooooo true! Let his actions to speak for himself.

If a person wants to see you, they’ll make time. If a person values you, they’ll show you. Allow them to come to you.

Suggestion: Don’t make anyone do anything. Just let it be and wait and see.

Now that I’ve told you about the 3 mistakes I’ve made, here are 2 awesome tips: Continue reading “Avoid these 3 online dating mistakes + 2 great tips”

Dear Grace posts

To my dear readers,

Last year, on volarenovels.com, I started my own “Dear Grace” section where readers can email or ask me about a particular issue over discord. Here are the links to my 8 “Dear Grace” posts!

NOTE: The site has moved so all old links are dead. The links below have been modified.

Dear Grace, there is this girl that I’m interested in…but she doesn’t live in my country. How do I know whether we are compatible with each other? I’m willing to travel to her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/compatible

Cheesy macaroni

2. Dear Grace, I feel like women only want my money. I want to find a woman who loves me for who I am, and not for the size of my wallet. Why are women always after my money? It’s not like I have a requirement that she must earn a certain amount before I would date her.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/women-after-my-money

No money no honey

3. Dear Grace, why do I always get ghosted by guys? It really bothers me. Initially, they show so much interest in me. But again and again, I’m only left with disappointment.

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/ghosted

Ghost

4. Dear Grace, I’ve been with my ex for three years. She broke up with me because she said she no longer feels the same. I can’t let go. I want to get her back. What can I do to make her change her mind?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-my-ex-back

Insane heart

5. Dear Grace, what should I do if I fell for someone who is not right for me?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/fell-for-the-wrong-person

love traffic lights

6. Dear Grace, my online friend will have to go through an arranged marriage after she graduates from University. I am concerned for her happiness. What should I do?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/arranged-marriage

arranged marriage

7. Dear Grace, how can I get over someone and accept that we have no future together?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/no-future-together

Let go

8. Dear Grace, how can I get out of the friend zone?

https://www.volarenovels.com/novel/grace-time/get-out-of-the-friend-zone

friendzone gg

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed reading my responses! If you want to ask me something, feel free to email me at gchan7127@gmail.com.

My experience on Coffee Meets Bagel

To my dear readers,

Long time no blog!! Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you guys. 😛

Today I would like to share my experience on Coffee Meets Bagel. For those who don’t know, CMB is a free online dating app where you can meet other people from your city. I like this app because guys cannot message you unless it is a mutual like (meaning, they “liked” you and you “liked” them back).

In case you’re confused, here’s a picture I found on google:

Coffee meets bagel app

Anyhow, I’m not going to teach you how to use this application. If you are interested, I’m sure there are many tutorials online!

I’ve been using this app for approximately two weeks or so, and here are some things I have noticed:

Guys are tired of trying

I scrolled through some profiles and I could tell that some guys were tired of making so much effort. Under the column for “I appreciate when my date…..”, some wrote, “shows up”, “offers to split the bill.”, “takes initiative.”

At first, I thought it was just one or two bitter guys. But after using the app for two weeks, I realized I come across these types of profiles on a daily basis!!

So it appears that a lot of the guys had terrible experiences and had been stood up by dates in the past.

This is rather unfortunate because after so much disappointment, they don’t even want to try anymore. Continue reading “My experience on Coffee Meets Bagel”

10 reasons why she doesn’t text back

no text back

Have you ever messaged a woman and wondered why she doesn’t message you back?

In the past, I had always thought it was common courtesy to respond to anyone who had messaged me. However, after using my first dating app (Unveil), I’ve came to an understanding as to why some women do not return messages.

(Note: The app uses your voice instead of text, but it’s the same concepts)

After using the application for a few months, I have identified many reasons why women may not respond. Here are ten reasons:

1. She wasn’t serious all along

Some people sign up for dating apps due to boredom or curiosity. She may not have any intentions of meeting anyone. Sometimes, she just wants to know how many people she could match with.

Initially, I downloaded unveil so I could write a review on it. Now, I use it for research purposes.

2. You’re too serious

If you sound too serious early on, you can scare her away. For example, once a guy messaged me and told me his entire life story the first time we exchanged messages. I was wondering, “Why is he telling me so much personal information? I barely even know him!”

Don’t invest so much emotion into someone unless she has shown a bit of interest.

3. You seem desperate

If you make it seem like she’s your only option, she will be turned off. Don’t always be the first one to message her. Allow her to respond or initiate. If you’re constantly trying to get her attention, she will think you’re super needy and will most likely find you less attractive. Continue reading “10 reasons why she doesn’t text back”

Modern Romance: Too many choices

modern-romance-cover

Today, my post is going to be based off the book, “Modern Romance”. It is a research-based book that is written by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg. It is extremely interesting and insightful, so I highly recommend!!

Due to the advancement in our technology, it has evolved how we date. Today, we can access hundreds of singles with only a few clicks or swipes. It is honestly too easy. In our parents’ generation, if a guy wanted to ask a girl out, he would either have to call through the landline or do it in person. If we go back to before the invention of the telephone, people had no choice but to do everything in person.

Now, we don’t even need to put in effort anymore. Within minutes, people could message or spam hundreds of potentials. There are so many choices and dating sites/apps allow us to customize and filter what we want.

Only Asians? Ok. Only women between 18-25? Ok. You get the point.

My friend downloaded a dating app and within a day, she received over 640 messages from men. Can you believe it? If the guys had to call her and start a conversation, how many do you think would actually go through with it?

In addition, my generation is so drawn to our phones that asking people out and/or breaking up with people over text is actually no longer surprising. In fact, research shows that most of the younger generation is ok with it.

So, we have lowered the amount of efforts required for both men and women. Furthermore, we expect more and want more than the previous generations. In the past, people got married because they needed to produce children in order to sustain their farmland. They needed children to do the labour. It was for survival and duty.

But today, we’re not satisfied with just anyone. Our standards have gone up. We want someone who makes us feel complete. We want someone who shares similar interests as us. We want someone who we can’t live without.

Not only that, dating is more complicated because there are unwritten rules that we all follow now. For instance:

Modern romance #3.jpg

But some may say, but Grace, isn’t it better we have choices now? We are no longer forced to marry our neighbours! That is a good thing. Continue reading “Modern Romance: Too many choices”

Unveil: A voice messaging dating app

unveil

To celebrate breaking 500000 views on my blog, I decided to try something new. I downloaded my first ever dating app!! I found out about this app through Lisa. It is called Unveil and I think the concept is very interesting.

Basically, everyone’s pictures start off as blurry. The only way you can see what the person looks like is if you send voice messages back and forth. The more you talk, the more gets unveil.

The reason why I like this is because:

It is less shallow. You are not messaging a person based on what they look like (since you can’t see what they look like). Instead, you are messaging them based on their content from their voice intro.
Voices convey a lot more emotions compared to text. It feels much more personal.

Anyways, this is how you start.

You download the app.
You add your name and your birthday (only your age will show) and your gender.
You state your gender preference.
You record a voice intro.
You can browse and listen to others’ intros. If you swipe, you go to the next person. If you want to respond to a person, you just click the microphone at the corner. The maximum length is 2 minutes.

My voice intro was actually very shitty but it was actually what I was thinking; hence I didn’t change it. This is what I said, “Hi, my name is Grace and I like inspirational things….and singing. *awkward 2 secs pause* What about you? *another awkward pause* I wanted to try this out because it seems like a very cool concept… and…we’ll see. *pause for one more sec*. That’s it.” [end]

I thought about changing it and making it sound more attractive. Or perhaps singing to “trap” some guys. But ultimately, I decided to leave it because I’d rather the person like me for my less-perfect version. I want to be real and not edit my thoughts.

Anyhow, one person did message me. We’ll call him S for stranger. The first message S sent me was, “Hey Grace. You said you like inspirational things. What’s your biggest inspiration and why?” Continue reading “Unveil: A voice messaging dating app”