Instead of blogging about motivational things this week, I want to share something that I find quite interesting and true for most traditional Asian families.
Note: This post is based on my experiences, as well as many others. It is not to say all Asian parents are like this.
Asian parents believe it is totally acceptable to beat their children. They believe that punishment will deter an undesirable behaviour from happening again. Perhaps the child will be too afraid to get hit, so he/she will be too frightened to misbehave.
Once, my friends and I were randomly discussing over getting beaten as a child, and we went through a circle telling each other what we were hit with. Surprisingly, all of our parents used different things! The list consisted of: hand, a stick, a feather duster, a broom, newspaper, a ruler, a coat hanger, a rope, a hockey stick, and even a baseball bat. When we heard “baseball bat”, all of us were slightly amused and surprised at the same time. We all went, “Woaahhhh.” After all, baseball bats are so heavy/hard! That’s brutal!! But we had a great laugh. We all turned out fine, I think.
The Western society might find this shocking and unacceptable, but it is very common if you grew up with traditional Asian parents.
Being the best/Aiming for #1
Asian parents have very high expectations for their children. They want their children to be the best at everything they do. The goal is to be #1, and always aim for #1. As a result, many Asian parents make their children go through tutoring and take a variety of different classes/lessons outside of school. To them, being average is not enough. They are willing to invest a lot of money in order for their children to stand out amongst everyone else.
Asian parents believe the earlier the better. Therefore, before I even started Kindergarten, I already knew how to count from 1-100, and all my ABCs. By the time I was in Gr 1, I’ve already memorized the whole multiplications table. I would recite it every night. While my classmates might be learning 1+1, I’ve already learnt up to 9×9.
It might sound crazy, but it is very common (especially in Asia).
Asian parents also believe the more time you spend on something, the better you will be. If everyone else studies for 6 hours a day, but you spend 8, it’s almost guaranteed you will eventually be smarter/better than all of them. Thus, after school studying programs are flourishing in Asia.
You can’t blame them though. There are a lot of people in Asia, and spots to a good school are limited. It’s literally “survival of the fittest”.
Although having a post secondary education does not guarantee a good job, to Asian parents, it is mandatory. They believe that success without education is almost impossible. To them, having a post-secondary education is like going through the door of opportunities. Therefore, most Asian parents would force their children into going to University/College (regardless if it’s suitable for them or not).
For the most part, they do not support the Arts (music, drawing, singing, dancing, writing, etc) as it is a field that very few are able to attain a stable income. So, to Asian parents, the Arts are considered “useless”.
The parents want their children to have a stable job that pays a lot and is respectable (Ex. Accountant, lawyers, doctors).
Most Asian parents do not want their children to get into relationships while they are in school, in fears that it will affect their performances. However, once their children have graduated, they will demand and question them if they are not in a relationship.
Asian parents usually do not care how deep or how much their children love their significant others. One of their first questions will be, “What does he/she do?” Not, “How much do you love each other?” To them, if the guy is unable to provide financially, it’s almost a definite no. Money talks. Love is not enough.
Most Asian parents stay together more so because of commitment as opposed to love. This may be because some of them went through arranged marriages.
Depending on where they’re from, dating wasn’t very common back then. When a woman is of a certain age, their parents/families will try to find her a suitable suitor. Homosexual relationships were frowned upon and considered a disgrace (sadly, for some, it’s still like this today).
Asians are known for working extremely hard. This is very true. They believe in efficiency and do not care very much for how they reach their results. Therefore, they do not have much sympathy for the workers’ well-being. If one were to complain about working in an unsafe environment or overtime or not getting paid enough, the boss would just fire the worker since there are so many that would gladly replace him/her.
As a result, Asian parents love it when their children have a government job. To them, it’s a job that doesn’t require working hard AND there is stability. In addition, there are benefits and the hours are usually from 9-5. And even if one were to work overtime, they would get pay 1.5 (In Canada). It’s a dream come true (for Asian parents).
Asians can take a lot though. They are used to going through turmoil. They are willing to work harder than everyone else, if it means that they can provide a better future for their children.
This post is TOO LONG. I can keep going and going but I’m going to end it here. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it! Again, this post is GENERALIZING and it may not be true for all Asian families. What are your thoughts?! Anything that surprised you?
15 thoughts on “How most Asian parents think”
“They are willing to work harder than everyone else, if it means that they can provide a better future for their children.” THIS!!! At the end of the day, our parents mean well, they just have different ways of showing it.
Another thing to add is comparing you to your cousins or the children of your parents’ friends. 😐
OMG! I forgot to mention about the comparison part!! My parents compare me all the time. =( it’s actually kinda sad. You then start to feel unworthy and never good enough. *sigh* But to them, it’s a way to motivate you to work harder. =_____=
Thanks for your comment, Jennifer!
This post is quite true in many aspects. Great job in retelling all of it, Grace! 🙂
More so than hitting the nail on the head with how most Asian think, it also just solidified the fact that you are such an eloquent and straight-to-the-point writer! So good!!
Thanks so much for your support, Karen!! U always make me feel so good about myself. Haha. I shall now look for your google map that you’ve worked so hard on, so that I can praise you again. LOL ❤
I always like to make people feel good about themselves 🙂 You have my support, GChan! 😉
i’m asian after all….
(in asia you can merry more than one woman, its quiet common in my place, what do you think of this?)… hahaha
Hmm, I think it’s quite unfair for the women if they have to share one man? Haha. But I guess it depends on the culture. Maybe that’s acceptable and expected in your culture/area.
Personally, I think a man should only be able to marry one woman. Haha. If he is allowed to have multiple wives, then women should be allowed to have multiple husbands.
What do you think?
i think women can’t have multiple husbands,she’ll die early. why?
AIDS/HIV come from, one woman had multiple affair with many guys at once,…
i think so too,..
for me,.. much better to have one wives, it would be less troublesome than have more,. LOL(i dont even have girlfriends right now)
having multiple wives much batter than cheating, right?..
Hmm, I guess having multiple wives is better than cheating. But it’s so unfair for the women to share one man. Ideally, a man will only choose to have one woman and neither of them will cheat.
As for AIDS/HIV, I’m not sure about the statistics.
Haha ! Many of these were a matter of course for me but having them pointed out makes it seem like Mom’s really strict~ but I learned a lot of useful stuff thanks to her ya know !
The Art dodging (flying Sandles, was extremely useful back when me and my imperial brothers and sisters were still extremely mischievous Brats)
The Art of Finding (your Confiscated phone, game console, ps vite etc )
The Art of Slacking (while pretending to study diligently)
and many others that come in handy while surviving in our Palace.
Well, I don’t know much about working hard since Laziness is engraved in my bones but my Dad was a workaholic…
Lol your comment is the most creative ones I have ever read :p you have a strong imagination, don’t you? Haha. The art of dodging!! Haha 😂😂😂. Thank you so much for reading!!!! 💓💓💓
hehe, well I find pleasure in making others laugh so I unconsciously try to be witty or funny (although sometimes it fails miserably) but I’m glad I was able to make you laugh 🙂