Should guys pay for the first date?

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This is another topic that will probably spark a lot of debate. I’ve asked some of my friends before and here are some of their opinions:

What the guys say

“No. It’s unfair. Women want to be treated equally. So why do I have to pay for the date? We can split 50/50. It’s unfair how we men are expected to always pay.”

“Yes, because if I don’t…I won’t get a second date. Game over yo.”

“No. I would never pay for the first couple of dates. That’s spoiling her. What if she expects me to always pay? I have to see if I want to invest in her first. Maybe after a couple of dates, I might consider.”

“I kinda expect to pay, but I would be happy if she offers to split.”

What the ladies say

“Guys should pay. When they are courting us, they’re already showing their best sides. If he won’t even pay for a damn meal, then he’s not gonna do much for you later on.”

“No. I can pay for myself. I’d rather pay for myself so I don’t owe him anything.”

“I think guys should pay because it’s a gentleman thing to do. Maybe they can pay for the bigger portion of the date. Ex. Dinner. And the lady can pay for the movies or desserts. Or take turns.”

“If he doesn’t pay, I assume he is not romantically interested in me.”

What I think

In my opinion, if your first date is at a coffee shop, and the lady arrives before the guy does, she should pay for her own drink and not wait for him to arrive to pay. However, if the bill comes at the end of the date, I think the guy should pay if he is romantically interested in his date. 

However, the lady should at least offer to split the bill. As for the guy, he could say, “I got this one. You can get the next.” That way, he has indicated that he would like to see her again, and she could pay for the next date (which would make it more fair). 

The woman should at least pay for something by the 3rd date.  It’s unfair if the guy always have to pay because dates aren’t cheap (unless all you do is go for coffee, haha). Guys have expenses too, and it’s definitely ridiculous if they always have to fork out 2x the amount.

Note: This varies depending on culture though. In Asia, men are usually expected to pay for most/all dates. They tend to follow traditions. Some guys feel less capable if they are unable to pay for the date. Therefore, sometimes it could be rude for the woman to split the bill.

What are your thoughts??

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About gchan7127

I just want to share all my knowledge, ideas, and experiences with the world. It makes me happy to know that I can inspire others.
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26 Responses to Should guys pay for the first date?

  1. jason says:

    I think most women expect the guy to pay, or would like him to pay. Unless she is well off and is just looking for a guy to mess around with.

  2. dochester says:

    Great post.
    In Africa Guys pick up bills at all times, NO lady will respect or take you serious when you even try to debate on who pays the bill. During courtship here the Guys do all as much as he can, our society looks down on women who pays the bills as been desperate, after marriage, it is easier for the women to pay some bill but this is even done secretly by the woman giving the money to the man before hand.
    We are talking on xteristics of Real Men on my blog http://www.dorchesterdotcom.wordpress.com

  3. sulfr says:

    hey grace! it’s been a while. I actually went on vacation to the Philippines hence why I have not read or commented on your blogs. Anyways here is my 2 cents. If a guy ask a girl out it should definitely be the guy to pay unless it’s quote on quote just a hangout secession. The way I was raised I was thought to pretty much pay. If the girl says no to the guy fully paying and prefers to pay her own half it should be respected but it’s more of a if your okay with it I suppose scenario. I’ve had friends also state that they never let the guy pay for the first date in order to state that they do not owe the guy anything such as a second date. So in the end really it’s what ever floats your boat. In the long run I honestly believe a relationship is 50/50. It takes 2 to tango if you will.

    • gchan7127 says:

      Long time no see, Enrico!! lol I was wondering where you went off to! 😛 How was your vacation? What did you do in the Philippines?

      lol thank you for your comment! I agree if a guy asks a girl out, he should pay as well. Haha. But I think it does depend on the individual.

      When are u gonna bloggggg

      • sulfr says:

        It was great! I had a fun timing seeing family and traveling around and eating food! I will probably blog about it in the future! Not sure when though. lol

  4. tgxstep says:

    Hi, 1st post here, I’d tend to agree with what u think.
    As i would usually pay the bigger share or for all the dates depending on the amount.
    Though it will depends on several factors and what kinda economical situation the girl is at I’d change my option accordingly.

    • gchan7127 says:

      Thanks for your comment, tgxstep!!!

      How do you feel about paying for the bigger share/all of the dates? Do you find it unfair?? Or perhaps, you believe it’s the right thing to do?

  5. Jennifer says:

    I always try to pay, even on the first date.

    But if I don’t, I would pay on the second date (if there is going to be a second one).

    • gchan7127 says:

      I would offer to split the bill but secretly I want the guy to pay (if he is interested in me). However, I would pay for the 2nd date lol.

      It depends if I plan to see him again though..or sometimes he might not wanna meet again.

  6. In the book “The Happiness Hypothesis,” Jonathan Haidt, who is a professor at NYU, says, “Relationships are exquisitely sensate to balance, and a great way to ruin things is either to give too much or too little. Rather relationships grow best by balanced give and take, especially of gifts and favors.” I think men should pay on the first date, I don’t think they should always pay, it should be a “balanced give and take.” Are you a guy or girl? New to the blog, so curious what perspective your take is from? nice post though:))

  7. Mai says:

    No ever really spoil me, so I’ll feel super happy and spoil when a guy pays even if that is just a guy friend. However, I would offer, even insist to pay for my portion. If he keeps pushing me to let him pay every time I’ll stop seeing him. I’ll even make sure I will be the one paying before we go out to eat anywhere. Most people would let me pay when I say I wanna pay. I can be very vocal and show great dislike if they insist in paying my portion everytime. I’ll feel they have belittle me.

    • gchan7127 says:

      Thank you for sharing!! I feel good when guys pay too, but not all the time. I would want to treat them back as well. Taking turns is good. 🙂

      Thanks for reading!!

  8. koyama says:

    hi,
    also for my part i’d say the guy should at least say that he pays for the 1st date, if he was the one who wanted the date. and than i’d say that i pay the other half back or pay something else e.g. tickets for the cinema or so. but if i was the one who asked him out than i’d have to pay all first if he let me *lol*.

  9. Su says:

    Hay gchan7127,

    I really agree with ur thought. Btw , ur translation for YH,IKMW is very good. It is humorous and the two male leadso are just glanmorous. Thank for the translation.

  10. Pingback: Your Highness, I know my wrongs. -Chapter 18. | Grow with me

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