Can Men and Women be purely friends?

Men and women

To my dear readers,

This was a topic that I was originally going to post about last Monday. However, I was very hesitant because I did not want to upset or offend anyone with my opinions. After posting my “Conflicted” post, I have decided that I will, in fact, blog about what I want to blog about.

Please remember that this is my opinion. You may or may not agree, but I welcome your feedback.

This post assumes that the men and women are heterosexual*

In my opinion, men and women can be purely friends BUT it is extremely difficult if they:

1. Do a lot of physical activities together. Ex. A dance partner, or she/he is teaching you a sport. (In my opinion, the more physical contact you have with the person, the more likelihood you are to develop feelings for that person).

2. Spend a lot of time with each other. If you are dedicating some time during your day to either talk/hang out with that person everyday or on a very consistent basis, then I think you’re more likely to fall for that person. Personally, for me, regardless if it’s female or male, if I spend a lot of time with you, I will get emotionally attached. Once you become a habit, it’s very difficult for me to stop/get rid of.

3. If you’re both single. If you are both available and are attracted to the opposite sex AND spend a great deal of time with each other, one side or both are quite likely to fall for each other.

In my opinion, if you are good friends with someone, the person probably already has a lot of qualities you are attracted to (be it intellect, personality, physical, and so on). We humans tend to be attracted to those who are similar to us.

Therefore, you are already attracted to some extent.

There have definitely been times where I even question some of my friendships.

However, personally, even if I am attracted to a friend, it doesn’t necessarily mean I want to be more than friends.

Sometimes, you have to weigh whether it’s worth the risk of losing what you already have.

In real life, I have many male friends. Perhaps, some might say, “Oh, they’re not really your friends. They just want to get with you. Or, they would totally date you if you would let them.”

I can’t say for all, but I know for sure some of them only see me as a friend and they ONLY want my friendship. 

I’ll give you two examples.

Example 1
*Met up for a coffee*

Friend 1: You know, I actually thought about gelling my hair before coming out to meet you. But, it’s you. Not like you’ll notice.

Me: Really?! *pause* Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. Haha. *pause again* I actually thought of putting make up on, but I thought about it, why do I have to impress you? HAHA. My presence should be good enough.

Friend 1: Yeah, no need to make effort. This is actually what I wear to sleep. (He was wearing a t shirt and shorts)

Me: ….wow. (I was amused and thought it was hilarious)

Example 2
Me: If you were to meet me at speed dating, assuming you don’t know me from before, would you be interested in me? (Note: I asked him because I know he doesn’t like me. I was just curious)

Friend 2: If I wanted to be more than friends, I would have done something 8 years ago when we met.

Me: *satisfied with the response*

——-

So, you see? There are guys out there who only want friendship. 

Sometimes, it is even easier to be friends with the opposite sex because either you only hang out in groups, or you only see each other 2-3 times a year, or they are your friends’ boyfriends/girlfriends (although, this might depend on the person).

So in conclusion, I think it is definitely possible for men and women to be purely friends. It may be rare, but it’s possible.

Note: Usually once someone gets into a relationship, you will lose your close guy/girlfriend because priorities change. If he/she has spare time, he/she would want to spend it with their significant other. There are also people who refuse to believe men and women can be purely friends, so to avoid problems, sometimes you/the friend might just stop hanging out.

——-

What are your thoughts? Do you believe men and women can be purely friends?

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About gchan7127

I just want to share all my knowledge, ideas, and experiences with the world. It makes me happy to know that I can inspire others.
This entry was posted in experience, relationship and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Can Men and Women be purely friends?

  1. sulfr says:

    YAY IT IS HERE!!!!! Time to get my discus on! Example 1 is totally me!!!! hahahaahahhahaha minus the clothes in bed…… it’s all or nothing …… anyways back to can men and women be purely friends. Yes, absolutely men and women can have a relationship strictly based on being on friendly terms. Is it possible for the relationship to change or alter? Yes my point is anything is possible! There is also instances where people have dated and instead just became really good friends afterwards. It didn’t bloom a significant other relationship but instead brought on a comradeship. Do people have ulterior motives? Yes again. Platonic relationships exist but so do other types of relationships. Everything you stated above is pretty much how it is. Thing’s change and so do people as well as the relationships attached. Is it easy to keep a purely friendship type of a relationship? Depends on your relationship. It could be easy or very difficult under what ever circumstance your falling into.

    • gchan7127 says:

      LOLLL you’re so funny, Enrico! HAhaha. (minus the clothes in bed) HAHAHAHAHAA.

      I agree with what you have written as well. There are many factors and things can and do change for some.

      Thank you for your well thought comment!! 🙂

      P.S. Your enthusiasm is so funny lol. Were you actually waiting for this post? Jeez, read my translations if you’re bored 😛

  2. Brother Wolf says:

    I’m glad you followed your gut on this! It is a tricky topic and not easy to write about but I think you hit the nail on the head. In the “natural” scheme of things men and women are either attracted to each other or not. Friendship is something we try to work towards as we battle these feelings. When your meetings start feeling like dates you might be in trouble. I think it’s more of a personal preference thing. Not everyone is ready for it. We’ve all been there. Start hanging out with the opposite sex and your friends start to question it. Interesting topic. I’m glad you wrote about it 😊

    • gchan7127 says:

      Awww, thanks for your comment, Brother Wolf! lol (I find it so funny to call you brother wolf) HAHA.

      Yes, I agree. If your meetings start feeling like dates, then the friendship is probably not “friendship” anymore.

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

  3. renxkyoko says:

    I’m not sure, but I don’t think it’s possible ,not on long term, anyway.

    • gchan7127 says:

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

      I still think it depends. Haha. There are definitely guys who are not “on the hunt” LOL. But I respect your opinion. 🙂

  4. Tikeetha T says:

    Yep. I have male friends from high school and college that we just grew up together and focused on friendship. However, I get your points.

  5. Sabrina says:

    I think you already know where I stand with this after our discussion. I think I may be too simple minded sometimes. However, I guess it solely depends on the person. I had this conversation a long time with someone and it made me question myself, cause I don’t see it applying to me lol.

    However, something that might intrigue you, as it did for me.

    http://www.laddertheory.com/

  6. sabw0ng says:

    Hey I am not sure if my comment made it previously. However, I think you know where I stand with this topic. I once had a conversation with someone you mutually know. They had told me that there was this theory called the ladder theory. You should read about it, I found it quite amusing, but I do not think it applied to me because I am too simple minded to think too much into determining whether people have ulterior motives. In general, I rather just keep a open mind and not classify people as things, just a little easier to live, instead of worrying about so and so liking me or not lol.

    http://www.laddertheory.com/

  7. Interesting topic. I have a view too.:)

  8. Pingback: Zui Wu Dao. Vol 2 -Chapter 44. | Grow with me

  9. ambi says:

    Thanks for sharing!

  10. aiko says:

    your theory is good!
    if a woman and a man want pure friendship , then its possible!
    but if one of the two want relationship, then its a waste of emotions!
    the best is friendship between different age as a elder sister and younger bro!

  11. Pingback: Your Highness, I know my wrongs. -Chapter 79. | Grow with me

  12. squirrelheaven says:

    This question about friendship always amuse me. I have had more guy friends than girlfriends since I was young. I grow up with three brothers and my guy friends just feel like extra brothers to me and I just can’t see them in sexual way because gross. My friends are also not attracted to me, it’s all platonic. Though if I was a hot girl and less of androgynous nerd they might have harder time of being just friends. So I would say that if there’s not any attraction between the persons they can truly just be friends.

    Just because we are attracted to some gender it doesn’t automatically mean that we all want to bang every single one of the said gender, just like a gay person can just be friends with the same gendered friend also straight people can be just friends with the opposite gendered. I suspect that those whose argue that women and men can’t be just friends are those who actually would go for just about anyone and assume that every else feels the same.

    • gchan7127 says:

      Thank you for reading and commenting!! I agree with you! I think it is definitely possible to be friends with the opposite gender. Haha, of course, if you are super attractive, it does make it a bit harder. 😆

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