Tag: communication

Why people test each other

Relationship test

This week’s relationship topic was suggested by my friend, Dan. I am focusing on relationships here, but in general, people test each other all the time.

Here are some of the reasons why I think people test each other in relationships:

1. They want to know how much you care. For instance, a person might stop texting for a couple of days to see if the other person would initiate. A person might ask a ridiculous question and see how you react/respond. Ex. Would you save me or _______ if we both fell in the river? (This is a stupid question, but it’s a common one)

2. They want to know their competition. By asking questions such as: “Do you think she/he is attractive?” The person will be able to tell what type of girls/guys you are into (unless you lie). Some people may ask and get jealous by the answers (because they want to be your only object of desire). Some may ask simply due to curiosity; and some may ask so they know how to avoid/get rid of their competition.

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Relationship Goals

Relationship goals

This week’s post is inspired by my friend’s loving relationship with her boyfriend. She wants to stay anonymous, so let’s call her “Justine” and her man, “Justin”. Haha.

Justine and Justin always seem so happy together. They never appear to have any arguments, and it seems like they’re still in their honeymoon stage after 6 years of dating. It’s as if their relationship is perfect.

I started to observe them. I wanted to know what it is that makes their relationship so successful.

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Born To Win

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It turns out that my Uncle Aaron reads my blog!!!! He checks my facebook weekly for my new post! I am quite delighted and surprised because I never knew I had a secret fan. (Hehe, thanks Uncle!) Anyhow, my uncle recommended a book called, “Born To Win” to me, and he gave me his copy from 40 years ago! Currently, I’m still in the process of reading it but it’s very interesting. I am actually taking notes as I read it. Haha. It is a book on psychology, and there are many experiments and exercises you can do that allows you to become more aware of the person that you are.

There are two topics that especially stood out to me, and I want to share it with my readers.

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My flaws

Flaws

I have many flaws. Today, I will share some of them with you:

1. Too motherly

A lot of my friends have complained to me stating that I nag them too much. I agree. I honestly do not intend to nag you guys so often. I will work on it.

Some common feedback: 

“You’re like my mom.”

“You’re worse than my mom.”

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Conversation Tips

Print

Do you want to have a good conversation? Is there someone you want to talk to, but you don’t know how to proceed? Today, I’m going to share some of my conversation tips with my readers.

Note: These tips are all based on my experiences. I am not an expert and I cannot not guarantee a good conversation.

Finding a connection (This applies for people you’ve never spoken to)

Often, when I attend big events, parties, or weddings, I tend to meet a lot of new people. If I happen to see someone I don’t know standing and/or sitting alone, I may go up to them and initiate a conversation.

First, I will smile and say, “Hi!” And wait for a response. If the person says hi back but quickly looks down or away, I just move on.

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A society with messed up values

Values

A couple weeks ago, I had a very interesting conversation with a friend. I was telling him that I don’t have facebook on my phone because the app is too heavy (takes up too much space) and my phone cannot handle it. Surprisingly, he told me his phone cannot handle whatsapp!

Clearly, we should get new phones.

But we are both reluctant. We both shared our reasons.

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Social Anxiety

Sharks

When I was little, I suffered from a lot of social anxiety. I was never diagnosed, but thinking back, I dreaded interacting with people. It was stressful for me. I felt judged and I didn’t want to sound stupid.

Whenever someone approached me, I would freak out on the inside. My heartbeat would increase, and I would have trouble focusing. I was terrified of people.

One of the biggest reasons why I felt this way was because I was unable to communicate in English. English is my second language, and it was extremely difficult for me. I was afraid of mispronouncing words, and I had very limited vocabulary.

Although I went to school briefly in Hong Kong (until I was 7), the English words I had acquired helped very little. I knew the basic “How are you?” “How do you do?” “Fine, thank you.” But that was it. I didn’t know how to carry on an actual conversation.

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Communication

romeo__juliet_communication

Effective communication allows you to deepen your connections to others and improve teamwork, decision making, and problem solving. 

Effective communication means:

+ The parties understand each other’s perspectives.
+ The parties feel like they are being acknowledged.
+ The parties feel like their needs are being met.
+ There is no misunderstanding.

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